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SnapShort Vignettes
by Violet Nesdoly
09/15/03
Not For Sale
Author requests article critique


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TRIP BACK

First I sat in the wrong seat. Then my carry-on wasn’t stored right and the stewardess sounded annoyed: “If you can’t get it under the seat, you’ll have to put it in the overhead bins.”

Suddenly I was back in kindergarten and glad this trip would last only an hour! (50 words)

*******

WAR

Brittany watches her four-year-old daughter’s every move after the nurse injects the first chemo drug into the I.V. Later when her husband insists he’ll stay the night, she goes home to find the TV alive with the opening salvos of Shock-and-Awe. Which war will be over first, she wonders. (49 words)

*******

MOSES’ ROD

Three-year-old Benjie was sitting with other kids at the front of the church listening attentively to Pastor Leon tell the story of Moses, the Israelites and the Red Sea.

“What happened when Moses held his rod over the sea?” the pastor asked.

“He caught a fish!” Benjie blurted. (48 words)

********

OVERHEARD

A couple of well-tanned, Tarzan-like specimens approach their playing kids and sunning womenfolk on the beach.

“The men have returned, the hunter gatherers,” says one hunk. “We can eat tonight... we brought our wallets.” (34 words)

********

OLD FRIENDS

Through fall and winter the shores teemed with ducks dabbling and roosting. Using binoculars and bird books I grew familiar with this chatty neighborhood until spring, when the beach suddenly emptied, deserted as a ski lodge in summer. Finally today the first of the fall crowd - four hungry mergansers - returned! (50 words)


Copyright © Violet Nesdoly - 2003


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Member Comments
Member Date
Melody Tregear 16 Sep 2003
Nell: very good effort! I found 'War' sad, but it was good. I liked Moses' Rod as well, though it reads as if it is meant to be a joke, rather than a short story. Was that your intention? 'Overheard' - here I think the lack of conflict / climax - whatever you'd like to call it - weakens the story. Hope all this makes sense! Keep up the good work!
Violet Nesdoly 16 Sep 2003
Dear Mel, in defense of my 'joke' - a joke 'is' a story. This straight from dictionary.com: Joke: "Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line."
Deborah Porter  15 Sep 2003
Well done Violet. I'm impressed. My personal favourite was "War". Amazing how much can be conveyed in such a tiny piece. With love, Deb




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