As we are walking through life, there will be times when we decide to wander away from God - to stroll down our own path, thinking that we know what is best for our lives.
I have tended to do this quite often over the years, and I can say from experience that all I do is create more trouble and heartache in my life than I need!
My heart had been quite crushed during my 16-year marriage and ensuing divorce. I felt beaten down, grieved, broken beyond repair. And then, somebody loved me. And I clung to that love like a lifeline, refusing to let go, even when God was telling me this was not the relationship He wanted for me. I argued with God, rationalizing all of my thoughts on the matter, believing that God really didn't know what was best for me in this situation. And He let me go my own way.
Stupid me. My way is never better than His. After a very brief time of feeling loved and cared for so incredibly, the relationship began unraveling. Little inconsistencies were noticed - but I ignored them because I wanted so much to believe I had found someone who thought I was worth something, someone who saw me for all that I am and loved me anyway. Knowing that I questioned my own worth, this man said to me, "I know who you are, and that is WHY I love you." This was the kind of love and acceptance I longed for. Don't we all?
I cannot describe the devastation I caused to my own heart by not listening to God. The turmoil and betrayal I experienced was so not worth what I had with this man. Because in reality, I had nothing. God knew that, and He tried to warn me, and I refused to listen.
I still stupidly walk the path alone sometimes. I let God know what I want - what I need - instead of listening to what He wants for my life. My creator knows what is best for me. He knows the purposes I was created for. If I can give up the reigns and follow His leading, then I can have confidence that I am on the right path.
I know this. I have experienced life both ways. Why do I still fight it at times? Why do I still think, at times, that I know what is best for me? Giving up control is difficult, especially if you have been in situations where your life has been controlled by others.
But, I am learning more and more that peace comes in surrender. "Not my will, Lord, but yours be done."
He really does know best. Today I make a new commitment to walk hand in hand with my Lord - to ask for His guidance - to follow His leading - to not take a step without feeling His hand gently pushing me in that direction.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge Him,
and He will make your paths straight. NIV
Prayer: Lord, help me to look to you with a trusting heart, knowing that you love me more than I could ever love myself. Before I take a step, remind me to see if it is Your path that I am on. Standing before you and asking in the precious name of Jesus. Amen
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