I had gratefully finished my morning coffee to kick start my day and I thought that I should have an apple breakfast. After all, one cannot live on caffeine alone.
As I reached into the fruit drawer, I deliberately selected a large, red one as it looked appealing to me and discovered that I had experienced an odd sense of familiarity. I shrugged off this feeling and sat back down at my computer.
While I gained my sustenance from this apple, I read a lovely email from a young lady who was doing some difficult labor so that she could earn her college tuition and pay her bills. In the process, she had grown to appreciate laborers in a new and special way and had been blessed by the hands of others to help set her on her way. What a great gift to realize at such a young age! Just then, it happened.
My biting and chewing had revealed a minor flaw in my apple selection-a small brown spot just inside the core of the apple had begun to rot. This flaw had not been visible at the onset of my selection. It was not horrible, but it did cause me to stop and mull over the small piece that had managed to become grasped in my teeth. It occurred to me all too clearly, we still make selections based on our perceptions of things (and people), instead of using the wisdom that God has granted us to see people in His eyes. In all of our needs, wants, hopes and desire to find the truth-it is still Him that we need most.
Smiling. I was that large, red apple with an apparently flawless outer appeal but one that hid some imperfection oh so well. I am a fraud in some ways. I am not perfect. I do not know all there is to know about life. I have failed and failed again miserably at the same thing over and over again. I have a hard time forgiving, trusting, and being patient. But mostly, I struggle with trusting God, understanding that He knows best because I know that choices that I make are so limited from my own understanding. I have seen the flaws of man’s and my own decisions, but some how this is still hard to fully grasp even as I tightly hold onto the apple in my hand.
How absurd, you may say. “How can you not trust God?” But, it is true. I fail miserably at the one thing that I should know by now and the lessons are getting harder and harder each time.
I am struck by another revelation, right as I begin to spiral into my own personal pity party. I do not have to know every thing. I do not have to be perfect. I am some how glad that I do not have a perfect ‘shell’ because it would some how be worse to present myself as perfect only to have the world discover that I am not.
I resume eating my apple. I have recognized that the good part that people see is Christ in me and that the part that was a bit rotten is the part that Jesus paid for on the cross. I see the irony in the metaphor of the apple and the lesson that it is ok to be me and to remember to trust in Him again.
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