Sometimes Observing My Own Life
by M S Austin-Campo
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Sometimes observing my own life, my human side would give me many question marks. This happened, that happened, ooops that was a mistake, oh but this was great . . . and so on.
I spent so many years feeling as if an outsider looking in at my own life, everything in chaos and like sand falling through my hands faster than I could try to grab.
That is not the case now. I am definately in my own life and apparently playing a very active role.
Funny thing is, there still is a sense now and again that the sand "appears" to be slipping at breakneck speed through my now slightly aged hands.
Every day my family and I walk closer to probably losing our house and possibly our belongings ---- but you know--- it's all right.
Schedules are crazy and sometimes it feels as if there is not much in me left. That, however, a dirty lie that satan would have me believe. & The Lord tells me not to grow weary in well doing.
In the last week alone- my husband was hospitalized and something has been sent off for biopsy. & He is still filling the comode with blood . . .
My daughter and her fiance have broken up and while this might not be the end of the world, they do share one thing . . . my small grandson.
& My son, who is only twenty-two and very gifted in all things regarding computers, . . . who is pretty much self taught and has been working a very important position at his work was burnt Saturday night. It was just an unfortunate household accident, but his left hand and wrist are severely burned. He is also left-handed.
So, well, to only look at circumstances would sure say that things right now "look" pretty bleak.
Admittedly for a lot of years, more than I care to number, I would be very discouraged if all this were going on, couple with the fact that I myself have not felt well for nearly two years now.
However, that would be leaving one crucial point out of this picture----GOD!
GOD is in control. I am not and have never been a surprise to Him. My husband's current situation is not a surprise to Him. My son's plight does not take Him aback. He knows. He knew before we did. He saw it coming, everything, even though we did not.
I know He is with me. I know He is working on things. I may not know outcomes but I do know in my heart that His will is best for all of our lives.
Truth is, I have been party to or walked through many more things than these. The difference back then, during many many tragedies- is I was either trying to "fix" them, or I allowed myself to be swallowed up by them . . . and become hopeless.
He has reminded me of many things that He walked me though. & I PRAISE HIM.
So surely this season is no different. Surely, though I "feel" tired and sometimes spent, . . . He has gives me everything that I need to be able to walk through the darkest valley----- or the steepest mountains.
Sometimes observing my own life I could greatly be disheartened if I let myself. That's why I don't. Not much anyway. About the time I start looking with hopeless eyes is about the time He is faithful to tap lightly on my shoulder. & Now I quickly try to get back in the "right position".
Sometimes, often times observing my own life I am simply left in wonder. I just marvel at an all mighty God who not only considered me, but chose to pluck me from a hellish life of bondage and make something of me that only He knew existed. So I praise Him.
Every day, whether overcast or sunny-
Every day, whether being pummeled or praised-
Every day, whether I understand what is going on or not-
I am grateful.
I am praiseful.
I give honor to the One who "considered" me.
Glass half-empty of half full? Hmm. Despite circumstances, with God--- I think the glass is full all the time. It is often our heart's perception that is off.
God morning to you all. & God bless.
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