Lord, why are You always talking about fruit?
A sound tree cannot bear evil fruit,
nor can a bad tree bear good fruit.
"Lord, I still can't figure this
"I thought you had made
a resolution, My precious."
Uh, uh, Lord;
I made a resolution to
KEEP MY EYES ON YOU.....
not to stop KVETCHING at You."
"Ah. I see, My precious.
Now, what is this about?"
"What, THIS part?
Well.....it's definitely about TREES, Lord."
"What of them, child?"
"Eh.........whether they have fruit on
them, or NOT?"
"Remember that real big inside potted
tree, I once had in Pittsburgh, Lord?
ECH! It got all these little bugs
on it, and turned WHITE? Somebody
told me to call a tree doctor, but
I just threw it out."
"Yeah; I figured for what that tree
doctor was gonna' charge me,
I could buy a whole new FOREST
of trees. I could've bought 'a
"Yes, My precious."
"So......I don't UNDERSTAND, Lord.
You've always got these
Messages about fruit being EVIL.
How come You've always been
mad at FRUIT?"
"I STILL don't understand why
You stuck a' evil tree in the
Garden of Eden. What was THAT
about? I thought Eden was
supposed to be a PARADISE?"
"It was, My child."
"Well, it couldn't 've been
THAT great - being full of
these evil trees, and all.
Who would wann'a GO THERE?"
"Many still do, child."
I mean, yeah; lots a' people
wann'a pay some sheister
10,000 dollars to take 'em
up to Mt. Everest. But, 'Ya know....
why would anybody wann'a go THERE?"
"Are you making fun again, My precious?"
"Well, 'a course, Lord.
Anyhow......seriously, I just don't get
this Part. It just seems a little
harsh 'ta me: about throwing trees
in the FIRE."
"You threw one in the garbage."
"Yeah. Touche`, Lord."
So, what does all this MEAN?
What's the moral of the Story, here?"
"Think, My precious."
"Eh......lemme' take a sip of hot tea.
(Sneeze. Sneeze again.)
By the way.......why
d'Ja give me this COLD, Lord?"
"Because I am the Lord."
"Yeah. Whatever 'Ya say, Lord.
(More sips of cinnamon hot tea
with Splenda. Hey, don't judge
me; I don't care about that
'I gotta' be natural' stuff.
I'm over 50; what the heck.)
I don't KNOW, Lord!
Can't You just TELL me the
moral, so I can go and take a NAP?"
You must think about it, My child."
'Don't throw trees in the garbage
or fire, until you've consulted
a tree doctor at Home Depot.'?
'You should always wash your
fruit before you eat it.
You never know; it might be evil.'?
'Never pay more than 9,995
dollars, to schleppe up to
Mt. Everest. If you do,
you'll know you're
just gettin' sheistered.'?"
"Lord, com'on! Just TELL me,
so I can go get some more tissues,
and stick another ceramic mug'a water
in my microwave!"
I want you to figure it out, My precious."
(much more irritated silence)
(more runny nose)
'If you keep ripe bananas in your
kitchen for more than a week,
you'll get these little nats on them.'?
OH! OH! I GOT IT, LORD!
I GOT IT:
'Whatever you do,
never, ever, go to the yarn
shop, and then stick your uneaten
lunch banana in the sack at
the cash register, and then .....
forget about it, for six months.'
Did I DO it, Lord?
Did I GET IT?"
I think you got it."
"Can I go take a NAP, now?"
And, take plenty of tissues with you.
And, drink your fluids."
Hey, Lord......I FORGOT:
YOU'RE a DOCTOR, too!"
Beware of false prophets,
who come to you in
but inwardly are ravenous wolves.
You will know them
by their fruits.
Are grapes gathered from thorns,
or figs from thistles?
So, every sound tree bears
but the bad tree
bears evil fruit.
(Author's note: the one
about the banana in the
yarn sack is true.
It happened it Pittsburgh,
too. What can I say?)
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