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Humour from the Bible!!!
by Mark E Crossley
12/24/07
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Pay special attention to the wording and spelling of this article. If you know the bible even a little you will find this hilarious!!!

It comes from a catholic elementary school test. Children were asked questions about the old and New Testament.

The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been corrected in any way deliberately.

1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis. God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off.

2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah’s wife was Joan of Ark. Noah Built and Ark and the animals came on in pears.

3. Lots wife was a pillar of salt during the day but a ball of fire during the night.

4. The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic genitals.

5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah.

6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the Axe of the Apostles.

7. Moses led the Jews to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients.

8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert, afterwards, Moses went up to Mont Cyanide to get the Ten Commandments.

9. The First Commandments was when Eve told Adam to eat the Apple.

10. The Seventh Commandment is Thou Shalt Not Admit Adultery.

11. Moses died before He ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol.

12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his Son to stand still and He obeyed Him.

13. David was a Hewbrew King who was skilled at playing the liar. He fought the Finkelsteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times.

14. Solomon, one of David’s sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.

15. When Mary heard she was the mother of Jesus, she sand the Magna Carta.

16. When the three wise guys from the East side arrived they found Jesus in the Manger.

17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption.

18. St. John the Blacksmith dumped water on his head.

19. Jesus enucleated the golden rule, which says to do unto others before they do one to you. He also explained a man doth not live by sweat alone.

20. It was a miricle when Jesus roles from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance.

21. The people who followed the Lord were called the 12 Decibels.

22. The Epistels were the wives of the Apostles.




If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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Member Comments
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lauren finchum 26 Dec 2007
LOL LOL LOL LOL!!!!!!! #4 is a killer. Oh, and the one about the Axe was good, too! They were all good!




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