Truth. It is a hard pill to swallow sometimes. If one Christian canít be honest with another Christian, than how can we say that we are true followers of Jesus Christ? By not being able to be honest with ourselves we are being dishonest with God. That is the truth. God knows our hearts. You cannot hide the truth from God. He knows every hair on our head, every pain in our heart, every joy, and every sorrow. God wants us to be to honest in who we are. The Lord created us, and takes great pleasure in knowing us. Why is it then that we are so afraid to know ourselves?
I often ponder that question many times. I have only one answer. Fear. We are afraid to let people see us as we truly are. I think that we as humans have this perception that we have to ďlive the perfect little life,Ē unfortunately that is not reality. The truth is God never intended us to have a perfect life. He did intend for us to accept ourselves as we truly are. I think that there is another piece to salvation that gets overlooked. To me itís not just about accepting Jesus Christ but itís also about breaking down some of those walls, to start to let others see us as our creator sees us.
For me it took a long time to learn the lesson. I wore a mask for a very long time. I finally decided to shed it when the ghosts from my past were infecting every aspect of my life; my job, my relationships, and the very core of my heart. I had been living this lie, about me being a bad person. I was clinging to a false belief because I wanted to punish myself for letting myself be abused. I abused myself because I felt it was the only way to justify what had happened to me as a child. For many years I was disconnected from God, because I did not understand how He could love me. I wasnít being honest with myself. I almost killed myself twice before I took a step back and looked at my life hard.
Why? Why was I doing that? Why was I afraid to shed that mask and let people see the ďrealĒ me? I didnít know who that person was anymore. I denied myself the pleasure of getting to know who the real Scott was. Only recently have I begun to alter my perception because I started to break down those walls that for so long provided refuge. I stopped taking refuge behind the walls and started to seek it from a different source Jesus Christ.
No longer was I afraid of what others thought because I have a God who loves me unconditionally. Instead of fearing my past, The Lord has helped me to use it as a springboard to help others. In order to do that though I had to be honest about who I was. Only then could I be an effective servant to the Lord.