Every morning for two weeks I stared at the mirror in my bathroom and repeated “Jesus, please come into my heart”. Over and over repeating and awaiting for some miraculous sign that Jesus had entered me.
I would look closer into the mirror and into my eyes. Nothing, no feeling rushing into my chest, no golden light settled from heaven on my body, and no deep male type voice was audible. Shaking my head back and forth, staring back at myself in the mirror each morning, I would wait for something, a sign, until the coo coo sounded from the clock in the living room.
One evening after the Divorce Recovery class I approached Marilyn and asked her a question.
“How do you know if Jesus is in your heart?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I’ve been asking Jesus to come into my heart and waiting for a sign and don’t know what to look for.”
Donna, overhearing our conversation stepped in, “Has anyone said the sinner’s prayer with you?”
Donna and Marilyn came closer and Donna led me to repeat the prayer. I closed my eyes and bowed my head.
“Father God, I believe that your son, Jesus Christ died for my sins, was resurrected from the dead, is alive, and hears my prayer. I invite Jesus to become the Lord of my life, to rule and reign in my heart from this day forward. Please send your Holy Spirit to help me obey You, and to do Your will for the rest of my life. In Jesus' name I pray, Amen.”
I opened my eyes and looked into Donna’s and smiled. I felt peace within my heart and warm all over and said, “That’s it? It’s done?”
They both nodded and each in turn gave me a big warm hug of reassurance.
The next morning, again in the bathroom mirror, I stared and lean closer into the mirror. Something was different, not sure what, but something feels different.
“Jesus? Please forgive me for being so naïve and thank you for coming into my heart. Thank you for always being just a few steps near me, behind me and before me. You have always been with me. Right?” The house was silent. Thoughts came in my mind.
“Karen, I have great plans for you. Close your eyes and look”.
I felt God speaking to me, not words, but thoughts as if someone was talking to me. I closed my eyes again and leaned on the counter with both hands. The vision was of me standing on stage and talking to a large audience. The lights were low and I was walking back and forth. Next, I was standing to the side of the stage looking behind the curtain at the audience.
I squeezed my eyes and ran from the bathroom into the living room shouting up, “No way!” I opened my eyes and stared up through the ceiling window and the sun filtered through all around me. Again I shouted, “No way!”, as I spun around with hands on my hips and took the you-got-to-be-kidding stance.
Again, God spoke, “It’s not going to happen tomorrow. I’m going to put the right people around you to guide you. It’s not going to happen next week, or next year, or the next. Relax; we have plenty of time, about ten years. You have a lot to learn. Relax!”
“Whew, Wow, Okay, Okay”, nodding my head and taking in a big breath.; slowly letting out my breath, "I can do this. God is not going to let me fail." The coo coo of the clock brought me back to reality. "Ten years is a long time but right now, it’s about 6am and this girl needs to get in the car and get to work".
I have never put that scene out of my head. I smile and giggle when I remember that morning eight years ago. I’m not ready to step out in front of an audience, but I do have a lot to say. So I write for now. I dream as I write and smile, knowing one day I will get there. I see Jesus in my reflection and my heart is full of joy.
Do you have a vision or a dream of your purpose in life? Does it hold a sense of fear when you meditate on it? Or does it make you smile with excitement? Let go of fear. It’s the devil trying to hold you back from your purpose. I’m holding on to my vision and in God’s timing all will come true.