Tamar was asleep on my bed. I was working on my reading table. She coughed and so I looked at her. “Tammy are you okay?” I asked.
“I’m fine Veronica, it’s just the weather,” she said sleepily and went back into sound sleep.
Of course she’s perfect, compared to the way she was last semester. I looked at her and smiled. I also looked up and said “Thank you Lord for Tammy.” I always did that anytime I remembered Tammy’s story even as I did now. It seemed like yesterday and not six months ago and everything is still vivid in my mind.
I remember the first time Tammy came to my room. It was raining cats and dogs. I was trying to work on the third chapter of my project, which I had to show to my supervisor first thing the next morning. I still had a lot to do and time was moving fast. I had been sitting by my reading table for the past two hours and I was getting tired. As if that wouldn’t do, I got stuck at a point. I didn’t know what to do or how to get on with my work. “What do I do now?” I asked myself tapping my fingers on the table.
After five minutes, I got myself out of the fix and with joy in my heart, I decided to continue with my work, but just then, something happened. I heard a ruffling sound at my door. Someone tried to open it. I looked at my clock, it was nine at night. Who could be trying to see me at this time? I wasn’t expecting anyone; could this be a burglar? Girls who stayed alone in college are sometimes prone to such attacks.
“Who is it?” I whispered to myself looking straight at the door. I was wondering what to do when I heard her voice coupled bangs on my door. “Veronica! Veronica!! Veronica!!! Ronnie are you in there? It’s me Tamar! I have to see you right now!”
I recognized her voice immediately and heaved a sigh of relief. Tammy was a girl I saw regularly in class, we talked anytime we had the chance. She was my friend but we both knew she had struggles, which we tried to sort out anytime we had the chance to talk. I knew this had to be serious because she had never been to my room before. I opened the door. She was drenched all over.
“Ronnie I’m sorry I had to disturb you at this time. I know you’re busy with your project, I could come some other time but please could you spare me a bit of your time?”
“Come in Tammy, you’re not disturbing me. “ She came in and I gave her a towel and also a change of clothes. I watched her every move, she was jittery and fidgety all the time. ‘What happened to her usual over confidence?’
“What is the problem Tammy?” I asked very softly. “Are you alright? What happened to you?”
“Sit down Ronnie.” We both sat down on my bed.
“I… I…” she tried to say the words but she couldn’t, the words just kept struggling to
“You’ve got to say something Tamar. You’re here because you need help; you’ve got to say something for me to help you. For God to help you”.
There was silence. Then she finally spoke.
“Even after telling me I am the temple of the Holy Spirit and God dwells in me, that I should never compromise my beliefs and that I should strive to please God and not man as necessary, since I was single and had more chance to do so than one who was married, Veronica, even after telling me all these things and explaining and letting me understand, I still did it again, I had sex again, can you imagine, I did it again, Veronica!”
She looked at me demanding an explanation.
“Did he force you?”
“Then why did you do it since you already knew that you shouldn’t have?”
“Why do you think I came here? Do you think I don’t know what I did was wrong?” She stood up.
“Listen Ronnie, I know many girls in my shoes right now, they can’t come to tell you because they don’t really know you and they don’t want to talk to you, but somehow they believe that you have the answer to this problem. So take your time in answering because whatever you tell me is what I’ll tell them.” I looked a Tamar intently.
“How do you feel?”
She sat down, looked to the floor for sometime, she looked up to me and I saw the tears in her eyes, they just trickled down and I felt a tear in my eyes too, but had to pull myself together if I was going to help her. I hugged her and she cried like a baby. She spoke in between her tears.
“I don’t feel good after doing it, we don’t but we just keep going back, hoping that somehow it’ll make us feel good, but it doesn’t, we still feel like dirt and trash. We want to stop in our hearts but we just can’t and that makes things even worse. Ronnie, what do I do? What do we do?”
“Wipe your tears Tammy; Jesus did not die for no reason. He died for you and all the others so that you can all become the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus and stand boldly in God’s presence and call Him Father.”
“But I just did something terrible, I know that I am very unclean, God wouldn’t even want to hear my voice, or see me.”
“Is that what you think Tammy?”
“Yes!” She stopped crying.
“Well then Tammy, why don’t we hear from God directly and hear what He has to say to you.”
“You mean God has a word for me?”
“Yes! From His word, the bible.” I went to my table and picked up my bible. I opened to Songs of Solomon Chapter 4 verse 7 and I gave Tammy to read out aloud. She looked at the words in amazement; when she read them; tears trickled down her face once again.
“Read it out Tammy!” I told her and she read:
“THOU ART ALL FAIR MY LOVE AND THERE IS NO SPOT FOUND IN THEE.”
“That’s what God thinks and knows about you Tammy; even if you feel you’re not that pure, that’s what God feels about you, even if you’re not clean, that’s what God knows about you Tammy. He still loves you and thinks the best of you and nothing can separate you from the love of God, no matter what you do.”
“What do I do now Veronica?”
“Think on what God has told you today, chew it, believe it, digest it and in due time, I promise you Tammy, that you’ll come back here and tell me how you looked at him and told him you’re not interested.”
“Really? Veronica are you serious?”
“Yes I am, try it with the others and you’ll see for yourselves.”
Tammy came back to see me, but this time, not in tears but in joy and victory.
“Veronica believe it or not! Anytime I’m about to sleep with him, I remember those words God spoke to me and I stop just in time. Can you believe it Veronica? I haven’t slept with him since and I don’t care what he thinks. All I know is that, I thought I couldn’t do without it in one week but now I can do without it six months and beyond, that’s of course until I’m ready for it full time.” We both laughed.
I was so happy for her. “God’s word concerning you Tammy hasn’t changed”; I often told her. God is still saying: “Thou art all fair Tamar my love, and there is no spot found in thee.” I watched her sleeping on my bed and remembered all the others that followed her footsteps. It was fulfilling to know and see how God’s word liberates His kids.
Are you in the shoes Tamar was in? Do you think you are trapped in a habit that troubles you? Don’t worry or fret, just do what Tamar did and you’ll be as spotless as you want okay? Whatever your name is, God is saying to you today,
“thou art all fair my love, and there is no spot found in thee.”
2 Corinthians 5:21
Songs of Solomon 4:7
Nothing can change the way God loves and sees His children.
Read more articles by Tesiri Moweta or search for articles on the same topic or others.