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Drank Yer Dr Pepper Afor It Gits Flat
by Kenny Blade
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Tha other day me an mah bestest friend Claude wuz headin’ o’er tah his cousin Jake’s house. It wuz mighty hot in his ol’ Ford cause Claude sez air conditionin’ rurns his complexion an on account ah he has tah thank ‘bout his features a’holdin up til he’s up in years, we always ride with tha winders rolled down. Now ‘at’s awlright if’n yer Claude’s hound Hammett ‘cause he laks tah ride with his head a’hangin’ out an his tongue a’flappin’ inna breeze. ‘At’s why they’s a slobber streak down tha side ah Claude’s truck. It looks kinda nasty, but Claude don’t seem tah mind none. Fer humans it’s a lot lak ‘at piece a bread whut gits hung inna toaster tryin’ tah pop up. Yer just sittin’ there ah cookin’ til somebody notices an’ gits ya out.

Anyways, we wuz headed tah Jakes so’s we could fish inna pond out back ah his shed. Mostly brim an’ mudcat, but it makes fer good eatin’ an’ Aquanetta always laks it cause ah clean ‘em and cook ‘em both. She thanks ahma bein’ nice fer cookin’ but truth is, she cain’t cook fish worth beans. Ah reckon sometime it’s better tah do somethin’ fer someone’s else tah make ‘em feel speshul ‘stead ah fillin’ ‘em up with feel bad ‘cause they cain’t do something tah yer likin’. Mah late granddaddy called it ‘plomacy. Ah call it stayin’ offa tha couch come bedtime.

Well, we had a right nice day ah fishin’. Jake catched three brim and one ah them wuz longer than yer hand. Ah catched a whole mess, but they wuz awl little perty much. Claude catched two, but they wuz both mudcat and they wuz nigh on 6 pounds a piece!

Onna way back tah tha house Claude wuz a braggin’ ‘bout his mudcats an Hammett was a hangin’ outta tha winder layin’ tha slobber on a little foreign job bahind us on account ah it wuz real windy. Mahself, ah wuz layin’ back with mah ballcap pushed down pertendin’ tah be asleep inna hopes mebbe Claude would run outta braggin’ ammo.

Awl of a sudden Claude hit tha breaks lak he’d done hit a puppy! Mah Dr. Pepper can flew offa tha dash an spilt ever’where. Ah didn’t much keer cause it had done gone flat, but it slopped up on mah drawers an Hammett wuz ah lickin’ on me in ah uncomfortable fashion. Claude bowed ‘is head an took off his bawlcap. At first ah thought he’d fergot ah issue at tha alter at church tha previous Sunday. Then ah looked up an saw ‘at they wuz a funeral persession ah passin’. Outta respect fer tha expired, ah took mah ballcap off too an made Hammet quit lickin’ mah pant leg.

It wuz a long one as persessions go. E’body looked kinda glass-eyed as they passed. Funerals is always a sad occasion. Ya never know whut itsa feller er a gal whut done lived ah life ah leisure er sorrow. Reckon probly a little ah both. Sometime though, itsa little feller er gal an ‘at is always pow’rful sad. A life whut coulda been’ll brang a tear tah any feller’s eye.

Thang is, somethin’ come tah me whul we wuz sittin’ ‘er. Ah started tah wonder why it is ‘at we awl dress up an’ take a day off tah honor somebody whut has done passed tah tha good Lord up inna clouds when we don’t thank tah give a passin’ glance when they’s upright an walkin’ amongst us.

Been thankin’ a lot ‘bout ‘at day lately. I reckon tha thankin’ ah had ‘at day ‘bout not givin’ people yer proper attention has been ah ridin’ mah shoulder an talkin’ in mah ear.
Seem lak when life gives ya some thankin’ notions ya orta take ‘em serious.

Claude cawled taday an ast me tah go fishin’ agin. ‘At ‘er wuz a peach of ah idea. Only ah ain’t goin’ with Claude. Ah cawled an’ ast mah daddy if’n he had tha time tah do some creek bankin’. Lak ah said…
Ya orta take ‘em notions serious when they come along.

Here’s hopin’ ya catch a cooler full.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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