Tainít much ah kin say ceptín beiní a visionary is thang ah great mysteries. Ifín ya read my bio ( that really stands fer biography. Bio is writerís lingo) ya know I come across tha gift of ponderiní at a young age.
Now donít go confusiní me with on a them gals whut sits in their trailer and rubs at glass ball fer contactiní dead folks. Donít ebín believe in all ah that. I figger once a feller is dead, he ainít got much more tah say. Good heaven up inna clouds, ifín I was dead I shore wouldnít use my time calliní up folks this side ah heaven.
I ainít one ah them horoscope fellers neither. I donít figger stariní at a pitcher of a fish or some horse fellerís gonna tell me nuthiní ah donít already know.
Mah wife Aquanetta sez she knows it must be a gift straight outta heaven itself Ďcause itís sa uncanny how I see tha obvious an tell folks whur they kin put it ta work in there own life. I figgered in a effort ta de-mysterialize tha whole ponderiní matter, Iíd use my new found writer skills to give folks tha inside scoop.
The Tools ah Ponderiní By: Ned Lefferton
Tool 1: A Good Chair
Ah found from a early age that itís real important tah pick out a good ponderiní spot. After some early troubles tryiníta ponder standiní up and sittiní on big rocks an such, I come ta find that ya canít beat a good chair fer ponderiní. Try ta find ye one with a hard seat , preferable a wood one. Them soft chairs ainít no good fer ponderiní Ďcause ya tend ta doze off and falliní off ta sleepíll cut yer ponderiní right off.
Tool 2: A Pitcher-Takiní Memory
Itís always a good thang if yer brain Ďmembers stuff real well. Ponderiní after all is about passiní on ta others tha good ideas whut comes ta ya whilíst ya are ponderiní. My best friend Clause says ah got me a Picher-takiní Memory. Ah thank hes right Ďcause ah kin look at a sales paper ad from the Home Depot an drive down ta tha store and Ďmember the sale price whether ah got tha ad wimme er not.
Tool 3: A Good Writiní Utensil
Itís downright vital that ya have a real good pencil. Sometimes mah Pitcher-takiní memory seems like itís outta film ( Atísa writiní joke. I found in my new found writin skills that a sense ah humor goes a long way toward makiní folks like yer work) A number 2 is a good writiní utensil. I figger anyhiní they use down ta tha elementary school musí be perty good on tha quality side. ĎMember ta git yerself a writiní pad too Ďcause donít much matter whut number pencil yer usin; ifín they ainít nuthin ta write yer ponderinís down on.
Tool 4: A Gift ah Ponderiní
Most important of all is haviní tha ponderiní gift. If ya donít have tha gift ah ponderiní donít none ah tha rest of this make much different.
Ah hope Ďis goes a long way tords de-mysterializing tha gift ah ponderiní.