Tain’t much ah kin say cept’n bein’ a visionary is thang ah great mysteries. If’n ya read my bio ( that really stands fer biography. Bio is writer’s lingo) ya know I come across tha gift of ponderin’ at a young age.
Now don’t go confusin’ me with on a them gals whut sits in their trailer and rubs at glass ball fer contactin’ dead folks. Don’t eb’n believe in all ah that. I figger once a feller is dead, he ain’t got much more tah say. Good heaven up inna clouds, if’n I was dead I shore wouldn’t use my time callin’ up folks this side ah heaven.
I ain’t one ah them horoscope fellers neither. I don’t figger starin’ at a pitcher of a fish or some horse feller’s gonna tell me nuthin’ ah don’t already know.
Mah wife Aquanetta sez she knows it must be a gift straight outta heaven itself ‘cause it’s sa uncanny how I see tha obvious an tell folks whur they kin put it ta work in there own life. I figgered in a effort ta de-mysterialize tha whole ponderin’ matter, I’d use my new found writer skills to give folks tha inside scoop.
The Tools ah Ponderin’ By: Ned Lefferton
Tool 1: A Good Chair
Ah found from a early age that it’s real important tah pick out a good ponderin’ spot. After some early troubles tryin’ta ponder standin’ up and sittin’ on big rocks an such, I come ta find that ya can’t beat a good chair fer ponderin’. Try ta find ye one with a hard seat , preferable a wood one. Them soft chairs ain’t no good fer ponderin’ ‘cause ya tend ta doze off and fallin’ off ta sleep’ll cut yer ponderin’ right off.
Tool 2: A Pitcher-Takin’ Memory
It’s always a good thang if yer brain ‘members stuff real well. Ponderin’ after all is about passin’ on ta others tha good ideas whut comes ta ya whil’st ya are ponderin’. My best friend Clause says ah got me a Picher-takin’ Memory. Ah thank hes right ‘cause ah kin look at a sales paper ad from the Home Depot an drive down ta tha store and ‘member the sale price whether ah got tha ad wimme er not.
Tool 3: A Good Writin’ Utensil
It’s downright vital that ya have a real good pencil. Sometimes mah Pitcher-takin’ memory seems like it’s outta film ( At’sa writin’ joke. I found in my new found writin skills that a sense ah humor goes a long way toward makin’ folks like yer work) A number 2 is a good writin’ utensil. I figger anyhin’ they use down ta tha elementary school mus’ be perty good on tha quality side. ‘Member ta git yerself a writin’ pad too ‘cause don’t much matter whut number pencil yer usin; if’n they ain’t nuthin ta write yer ponderin’s down on.
Tool 4: A Gift ah Ponderin’
Most important of all is havin’ tha ponderin’ gift. If ya don’t have tha gift ah ponderin’ don’t none ah tha rest of this make much different.
Ah hope ‘is goes a long way tords de-mysterializing tha gift ah ponderin’.
Ned
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