The curtain opens in a brightly decorated doctor’s office. MR. and MRS. MUPPET are nervously glancing at the door. Mr. Muppet has a round, orange head with sparse blue hair and a pink nose. Mrs. Muppet’s head is rather oblong; her face is yellow, as is her curly hair, and her nose is a handsome green wedge.
Mrs. Muppet: D’you think it’ll be orange, like you? You’re such a nice shade of orange, dear.
Mr. Muppet: I dunno—I’m the only orange in my family…maybe a red, we haven’t had a red for years.
Mrs. Muppet: Oh, a red would be nice! Maybe with my nose…wouldn’t a red look nice in family photos, between the blue twins?
Mr. Muppet: Yes, dear, but all colors are beautiful, don’t you think?
Mrs. Muppet: Oh, of course—I just can’t help wondering…(they both look at the door). Should we talk about names?
Mr. Muppet: Sure! Hey, what are the letters for today?
Mrs. Muppet: Let me think…brought to you by the number 4 and the letters J and P. J and P!
Mr. Muppet: Okay then, how about Jasper or Poindexter for a boy…and Jemima or Poppy for a girl?
Mrs. Muppet: I love those names! (The DOCTOR walks in. He is bright turquoise, with a white nose and lime-green hair. He is holding a folder).
Doctor: I have the results of your ultrasound here—congratulations, it’s a girl…
(Mr. and Mrs. Muppet gasp, open-mouthed)
Doctor: …and she’s…purple!
Mrs. Muppet: Purple! Are you sure? I never imagined...oh, darling, she’s purple! How wonderful!
Doctor: Yes, a lovely purple, and if I’m not mistaken, she has your nose, Mr. Muppet. See…right there? (He shows the film to the couple).
Mr. Muppet: That’s my nose, all right! Purple and pink…Poppy, I think, don’t you, dear?
Mrs. Muppet: Oh, yes!
Doctor: Now, Mrs. Muppet, are you feeling well? Any pains, or unusual cravings?
Mrs. Muppet: No pains…but I am craving kumquats and kiwis. (She blushes) I think little Poppy was conceived on a “K” day.
Doctor: Well, that’s quite normal. I’ll see you in a month, then, and congratulations on your little purple! (The doctor exits)
Mrs. Muppet: How lovely…a purple. (They sit in silence for a moment) You know, dear…
Mr. Muppet: What is it?
Mrs. Muppet: I’ve heard that some people…not us, but you know, them…always know what color their babies are going to be. And there aren’t a lot of possibilities—pink people have pink babies, and brown people have brown babies. That’s about it!
Mr. Muppet: Well, they’re missing out. What’s wrong, dear?
Mrs. Muppet: And I’ve heard…that sometimes pink people aren’t very nice to brown people. And the other way around. They wouldn’t be like that, if they came in surprise colors—would they?
Mr. Muppet: No, dear, they wouldn’t. Now don’t you fret about them. I wonder what color her hair is going to be?
The curtain falls as Mr. and Mrs. Muppet bend over the ultrasound of their purple daughter.
PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR,
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