Some toy labels say, "batteries included." Technically, this is true. They will last long enough for the parents to want to destroy the toy, and for the toy to become the children's new favorite. They'll demand the new batteries be fully installed in 0.025 seconds or less. (47 words)
I've noticed that shirts labeled "iron free" are not really "iron free." I think all it really means is "This shirt won't turn into a crumpled mess if you lean the wrong way." The person who declared the shirts "iron free" should have to spend eternity ironing them. (48 words)
"One size fits all!" I saw this all the time on various clothing. It was never true for me. Lately I've noticed they say, "One size fits most." While accurate, it doesn't make me feel better. All it says is "If this doesn't fit you, you're freakishly tall or short." (50 words)
Many personal hygiene products claim to be "fragrance free.". What they should really says is "This product will not make the person next to you break out in hives." I'd like to meet the man who decided that was an appropriate label. I'm sure he looks funny without a nose. (50 words)
I dread Christmas. Inevitably, my son will get a toy that says, "Some assembly required." The first unwritten steps are always the same. "Spend 20 minutes finding the English direction." Done. "Step 2. Obtain an engineering degree from a fully accredited university."
"Daddy, when can I play with it?"
"Easter." (50 words)