ďI just donít believe the way you do. I thought I did, but I donít.Ē The words hit Grace like a punch and left her breathless. Her mind started racing and she couldnít even make out one complete coherent thought, but the fragments swimming in her head were all condemning. Look at you, Grace, good job. You ignored God once again. You just canít do anything right, can you? You canít even run away from this one; this is your husband! She loved this man, though. How can we get past this? Is this marriage doomed too? At that thought, the tears flowed unchecked from her eyes.
The next few days and weeks were a blur. She didnít know what to do. Sam had been honest with her and she knew it. If she was honest, the signs had been there from the start and she couldnít blame him at all. He was only doing what she had done and trying to be what he thought she wanted. How can she be angry when she had done the same thing?
There were a few things she knew for sure. First, God hates divorce. Sam was a good man and a good provider. Their daughter Sara adored him. Few things made Grace happier than watching them play together. The sounds of laughter that rang through the house meant more to her than she could put into words. She knew it wasnít right to close the door on that. She would not be honoring God or doing what was best for their family. Divorce was definitely not an option.
She knew she still loved Sam with all her heart. He made her laugh like no one ever had. He knew her better than she liked to admit sometimes. He put aside his own desires and wanted a daughter because he knew she wanted one. In her heart, she knew he would have loved a son, but he never mentioned it.
So, she made the only decision available to her. She stuck it out. Sheíd like to say itís been easy, but that isnít true. Sometimes itís been excruciatingly hard, but marriage isnít easy, she realized. Marriages between believing spouses end too. She realized that spouses in her position can idealize a Christian marriage but they have their own problems just like her and Sam. Throughout the whole time, she had learned something incredibly important. She wasnít the person she was when Sam made that admission to her seven years ago. She had changed and she knew God had used that revelation and her persistence to mold her into someone else. She also knew God needed to do plenty more molding, but it was a start. She wouldnít be where she was today if she had given up. If God could change someone like her, with her past, He could do anything.
She decided that if she couldnít change herself, she certainly couldnít change Sam. That would be Godís department and she knew that. She didnít even think she wanted to change him anymore. She was way too busy with her own issues to take on anything else. So, she would just ďkeep on keeping onĒ and love him the best she knew how. God knew Sam better than she did anyway and drew them together for a reason. Love, she knew, was what called her to God in the first place. Someday, she believed with all her heart, that love would draw Sam too.