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A Ring in the Nose and in My Toilet
by Julie Michaelson
09/05/07
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On that day,
says the Lord of hosts,
I will take you,
O Zerubbabel my servant,
son of Shealtiel,
says the Lord,
and make you like a signet ring;
for I have chosen you,
says the Lord of hosts.
[Haggai 2:23]
******************************
"That's a tough name to pronounce,
Lord."

"What is."

"ZA'RUB'BA'BEL: oy, what
a mouthful."

[NOD.]

"Well.....I guess not in HIS time,
but it is for somebody from
West Philadelphia."

[SOLEMN NOD.]

"So, Lord? When is he coming?"

"Who, child."

"Angel Michael: I thought
You were gonna' send him
down to clean out my toilets."

"When did I promise that, My precious."

"I thought it was just this morning, Lord!"

"Oh?"

"Well, yeah. Remember?
I was kvetching to You about
these rings I've got in my
toilets; they're driving me crazy!
I've tried everything, but the kitchen
sink! On TV, once, I even heard
about pouring coca cola down into
the bowl, but I don't know.....I
really don't like wasting my
favorite kind'a soda."

"Ah. Yes, My beloved:
the rings."

"YEAH! Don't 'Ya remember?
Yeah, that's why I was trying to
find somethin' in Your Book
pertaining to 'ring'; in those
days they didn't have any toilets."

[NOD.]

"They had somethin' about
nose rings in the Book of Genesis,
but I didn't really think that
was a good match."

"Look, child."

"Okay......let's see:

.....Rebekah came out with her water jar
on her shoulder; and she went down to
the spring, and drew. I said to her,
Pray let me drink. She quickly let
down her jar from her shoulder.......
I will give your camels drink also.....
So I put the ring on her nose, and
bracelets on her arms........
[Genesis 24:45-47]

That was a colorful story, Lord.
And, I really admire the humane
side of it; Rebekah was a woman
ahead of her time."

[NOD.]

"But, I don't think it's got nothin'
to do with my toilet rings."

"Perhaps not, child.
But, you should be reading
It, anyway."

(silence)
"You mean, that guy just went
over and stuck a ring in
Rebekah's NOSE?
Jimminy Cricket: THAT must'a HURT."

[LAUGH]

"It sounds like in those days,
people were kinda' rough with
one another."

"And today, child?"

"Yeah, You're right, Lord.
They're still rough, but in
sort of a different way."
(silence)
So.....eh, when's angel Michael
comin' with his big ring scaper?"

"Couldn't you get one at the store, child?"

"Well; yeah, I COULD.
I mean, they've got those white-spongy
things, today. You know, the box has
got that picture of the big, bald guy
on the front - the musclely one
with the ring in his ear.
(thoughtful silence)
Hey, Lord! Another ring!"

"Watch your spelling, child."

"Huh? Oh. Yeah, Lord.
I don't think 'musclely''s
a word. What do I care?
I'm not gettin' paid for this
stuff!"

[RUMBLE]

"Well, forget it! I ain't
takin' it out; so THERE!"

[MORE RUMBLE]

"Well? Why should I please
YOU, Lord? Huh? You're
not sending down any of
your angels to
clean my toilets!"

[OMENOUS SILENCE]
(OOPS.)
[OMINOUS...SILENCE.]

"Child, I may send down
one of My angels, afterall."

(uh, oh.)
(UH, OH.)
(oy.)
(Oy, vey.)

"Hey......uh.... listen, Lord?
Just forget I ever said
anything at d'em toilets.
Just forget about it, okay?
Don't worry about it;
me, and that muscle-bound
guy with the bald head and
earring, will take care of 'em.
Don't worry about it."

[WISE AND SLOW NOD.]

(humble silence)

"That was a great story about
Rebekah and her nose ring, Lord.
Are You ever going to explain
that other part - You know, about
Zerub-ba-bel and HIS signet ring?"

"I already have, child.
It's in My New Covenant."
**********************************
The word of the Lord came a
second time to Haggai on the
twenty-fourth day of the month,
Speak to Zerubbabel,
governor of Judah, saying,
I am about to shake the heavens
and the earth, and to overthrow
the throne of kingdoms;
I am about to destroy the strength
of the kingdoms of the nations........
[Haggai 2:20-22]








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