Nooo! Take me! Take me instead! Not my child! Not my son! I remember screaming that day, but my screams were drowned out by a sea of angry faces yelling: “ crucify him! Crucify him! “ It was like a nightmare that you try to wake yourself up from, but there was no escaping it. And so I was swept along with a crowd insanely chanting for his crucifixion.
It’s strange, but I can still see individual faces frozen in my mind. They looked like monsters, contorted with hatred. I remember frantically searching for his friends, for his faithful disciples who pledged to follow him to the end…they were nowhere to be found. Or surely all those he healed, whose children he raised from the dead, surely they would speak for him…but there was no one. He was left all alone. My child. My son who I loved more than life itself. I tried to push to the front of the crowd. I wanted him to know that I was still there.
I watched while they mocked and scorned him. I watched while they whipped him nearly to death. I watched and I thought I would go mad with anger! I wanted to scream to him: shut them all down! I knew he could do it! I’d seen him do so many miracles. I knew that he could command a legion of angels to deliver him from this madness and pain. But he didn’t. He endured the torture in silence. He accepted every beating as if this was how it was supposed to be.
On the outside I stood silent, but on the inside every fiber of my being was screaming as he tried to carry that hideous cross up that hill! I was raging at Jehovah! This is your plan?! This is your great deliverance! Where are you?! God can’t you see what they’re doing?! Can’t you see what they’re doing to my son?!!
I made myself push to the front of the crowd at Golgotha. I wanted Jesus to know that I was still there. I wanted my child to know that I hadn’t left him like all the others. Finally, after hours of torture, it was over. It was finished. But that wasn’t enough for them. They had to plunge a sword into his side and as they did, the words of Simeon the prophet, echoed through my mind: This child is destined to cause the falling and rising of many in Israel and to be a sign that is spoken against so that the thoughts of many hearts will be revealed and a sword will pierce your own soul to.
It was at that moment he went from being my son to being my Lord.