ďMy Life- ďIím not Alone. OCDĒ ...by Hannah McClure
Iím alone in the world
Iím a dork, Iím a loser
People ignore me
Sometimes I feel left out.
I have no friends
I have low self-esteem
I have OCD
I have a touch of aspergers
Sometimes I think Iím retarded.
That I shouldnít be alive
I call myself everything bad that I can think of
I have no Dad.
He acts like a teen, when really hes 50.
My brother smokes pot and sleeps a lot.
My Dad's gone most of the time
He hates his family.
Sometimes I worry that he's seeing somebody else.
He's already had 3 affairs
He makes me feel sick
My other brother parties
He's in the popular crowd
I see he tries to be like dad
He ignores me most of the time,
He says things to hurt me.
He looks up porn
My other brother is a goth
He dresses in black
And never comes out of his room.
Now he's 20.
My Mom is the nicest of the family
She's kind to me in every way.
Sometimes though its like I feel neglected with her too.
Like Iím not there.
She worries too much
When I talk, sometimes my words donít come out right
I stutter because Iím afraid Iíll say the wrong thing
My father is part of it.
OCD is the other part.
OCD causes me to think of things that are not me.
It hurts, it stings
My brain always feels like its pulsating
I remember times when I wanted my father to love me,
And just be normal.
I remember when he bashed my brother's head into the wall
And almost beat up my other brother.
I remember how he said mean things to my mom,
And I often dreamed of him hurting her.
He's never gotten drunk,
He calls himself a Christian
And is nice to us when weíre at church
Or out in public.
He acts extrememly different, then.
He's a hypocrite.
I shouldnít call names but what if its true?
Iíve seen a lot.
Iíve had nightmares in the past,
They still haunt me today.
I have a loud big voice
You wouldnít think that Iím a little bit shy.
People call me outgoing,
Yet, I put myself down sometimes
I think of myself as ugly,
When really I know Iím not.
I worry too much,
I hurt inside,
But there's something that I found long ago.
That has helped me through all of this
Through all my hurts,
Pains, and neglections.
I got saved
I found out that there was a Father who loved me
He taught me that I have a purpose for my life.
Now I want to be a missionary
I want to help others know the same one who's helped me,
Heís already found me a counselor
Whoís helping me to get through things
Iím also reading the Bible
Whenever I feel discouraged I pray, I talk to God,
He gives me strength.
Iím glad that I have a Father now
And that Heís helping me
Heís my true friend.
Even when I have friends, Heís the one who will never
He comforted me when my brother was in wilderness camp.
He helped me when my brother beat me up
He wiped away my tears
When my Dad would yell at me when I did nothing wrong.
He would fill me with the Holy Spirit
When I feel like I can't get up.
When my OCD acts up He calms me and my thoughts,
He tells me everything will be ok,
That Iím not who OCD and Satan says I am.
Iím not a loser, not a murderer, etc.
When Iím around a large crowd of people
I shake and feel like Iíll throw up,
At least, thatís how I used to feel.
Now Iím getting better with that
God makes me strong every time.
He tells me Iím a child of God
Iím glad that Iím delivered from the world
If it werenít for God, I wouldnít be here today,
After all Iíve gone through,
I believe if God can do so much for me,
He can do more for you.