Poetry
“My Life- “I’m not Alone. OCD” ...by Hannah McClure
I’m alone in the world
I’m a dork, I’m a loser
People ignore me
Sometimes I feel left out.
I have no friends
I have low self-esteem
I have OCD
I have a touch of aspergers
Sometimes I think I’m retarded.
That I shouldn’t be alive
I call myself everything bad that I can think of
I have no Dad.
He acts like a teen, when really hes 50.
My brother smokes pot and sleeps a lot.
My Dad's gone most of the time
He hates his family.
Sometimes I worry that he's seeing somebody else.
He's already had 3 affairs
He makes me feel sick
My other brother parties
He's in the popular crowd
I see he tries to be like dad
He ignores me most of the time,
He says things to hurt me.
He looks up porn
My other brother is a goth
He dresses in black
And never comes out of his room.
Now he's 20.
My Mom is the nicest of the family
She's kind to me in every way.
Sometimes though its like I feel neglected with her too.
Like I’m not there.
She worries too much
When I talk, sometimes my words don’t come out right
I stutter because I’m afraid I’ll say the wrong thing
My father is part of it.
OCD is the other part.
OCD causes me to think of things that are not me.
It hurts, it stings
My brain always feels like its pulsating
I remember times when I wanted my father to love me,
And just be normal.
I remember when he bashed my brother's head into the wall
And almost beat up my other brother.
I remember how he said mean things to my mom,
And I often dreamed of him hurting her.
He's never gotten drunk,
He calls himself a Christian
And is nice to us when we’re at church
Or out in public.
He acts extrememly different, then.
He's a hypocrite.
I shouldn’t call names but what if its true?
I’ve seen a lot.
I’ve had nightmares in the past,
They still haunt me today.
I have a loud big voice
You wouldn’t think that I’m a little bit shy.
People call me outgoing,
Yet, I put myself down sometimes
I think of myself as ugly,
When really I know I’m not.
I worry too much,
I hurt inside,
But there's something that I found long ago.
That has helped me through all of this
Through all my hurts,
Pains, and neglections.
I got saved
I found out that there was a Father who loved me
He taught me that I have a purpose for my life.
Now I want to be a missionary
I want to help others know the same one who's helped me,
He’s already found me a counselor
Who’s helping me to get through things
I’m also reading the Bible
Everyday!
Whenever I feel discouraged I pray, I talk to God,
He gives me strength.
I’m glad that I have a Father now
And that He’s helping me
He’s my true friend.
Even when I have friends, He’s the one who will never
Forsake me.
He comforted me when my brother was in wilderness camp.
He helped me when my brother beat me up
He wiped away my tears
When my Dad would yell at me when I did nothing wrong.
He would fill me with the Holy Spirit
When I feel like I can't get up.
When my OCD acts up He calms me and my thoughts,
He tells me everything will be ok,
That I’m not who OCD and Satan says I am.
I’m not a loser, not a murderer, etc.
When I’m around a large crowd of people
I shake and feel like I’ll throw up,
Or faint.
At least, that’s how I used to feel.
Now I’m getting better with that
God makes me strong every time.
He tells me I’m a child of God
I’m glad that I’m delivered from the world
If it weren’t for God, I wouldn’t be here today,
After all I’ve gone through,
Thank God!
I believe if God can do so much for me,
He can do more for you.
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