“How is your faith today?”
I slept well last night but I woke up so sick.
“I didn’t ask you how you were doing. How is your faith?”
Everything I do seems to be based on how I feel. I’m still breathing.
“How is your faith?”
My faith is “being sure of what I hope for and certain of what I don’t see.”
“What do you hope for?”
I hope to be well, to wake up and have no headache, to be healed.
I hope for my marriage to be healed. I hope to be used by you, Lord, to use what I learn through all of this to help others. I want to write. I want to write out what You are teaching me, what You’re speaking to me.
“What do you want more? Be healed now or let me use you while you are going through these hard times?”
Honestly? I want to be healed and THEN I want you to use me – if I had a choice. But I’m more mature now than before I got sick. I wasn’t as compassionate to the hurting before. I had no concept of suffering. I had no limits. I pushed my body and did more than I should have. I didn’t let others do for me – I had to do for everyone else, to the detriment of myself and my family.
“So which is it?”
I want You to use me, mistakes and all. Use me during my faithless days and my faithful ones. Use me when I’m happy and when I’m sad. Help me be an example to others. Use me while I’m learning. I can wait for the physical healing – whenever You say I’m ready. You’re my God, my Daddy. I completely trust You, You know what’s best for me…
I too was so surprised when God used me when I was sick, I thought He would only use me when i was well, and had a lot of faith. But often when we are at our lowest, that is when God can teach us the most and teach others through us. God Bless.