“Glad you’re here, Gary. This is one crazy guy,” Detective Scott Meckler commented to his partner, Detective Gary Cobble, as the senior detective made his way in the front door of the Halesville Police Station.
“He says he’s a demon from Hell. He’s wearing some kind of bat suit that we can’t get off of him. He also says that he doesn’t need a lawyer because he believes his time here is only temporary.”
“Where’d the officers pick him up at?” Detective Cobble asked as the two men made their way to the interrogation room.
“On 73rd and 8th, harassing a couple of winos. When they pulled up on him, he just kept asking how the officers could see him. Claims he’s supposed to be invisible. Like I said, this one’s crazy.”
As the two men entered the interrogation room, Detective Cobble was shocked to see an evil looking, bat-like creature sitting at the solid oak table in the middle of the room. The costume was amazing, complete with wings, claw-like hands, and a mask that looked painted on. The black, gilled face and cheeks, along with yellow fangs and deep red eyes were extremely disturbing to the detective. This thing in the room did indeed appear to be a demon from Hell.
“Okay, why don’t you save me some time here? Tell me how the suit comes off.”
“There is no suit. You’re welcome to see for yourself.”
“I’ve already tried numerous times, Gary,” Meckler interjected. “All that happened was I got a whole bunch of slime all over my hands and my fingers smell like sulfur. There are no zippers, no buttons, and no latches. Pretty amazing, actually.”
“Don’t encourage him, Scott,” Cobble replied. “Or wait a minute, maybe you’re onto something, Detective. So, you’re a demon from Hell?”
“That would mean your boss would be Satan, correct.”
“He prefers King Lucifer,” the demon answered, florescent green slime dripping from its mouth and landing on the table.
“And Satan has given you the important mission of harassing winos on 73rd and 8th? Pretty pathetic assignment, isn’t it?”
“I told you, he prefers King Lucifer! And, I’ll have you know that the purpose of my mission was to keep one of those winos from becoming the most successful Bible-thumpers to ever walk your pathetic planet! My mission is extremely important.”
“So how is it you ended up in our interrogation room? If you are from “the other side”, how come we can see you, hear you, and arrest you?”
“King Lucifer’s tormentor controls all things. I imagine he has made me opaque and susceptible to the physics of your world.”
“God took away your superpowers?” Detective Cobble asked, noticing that when he said “God” the demon doubled over in pain, slamming his head on the table.
“God, God, God!” Cobble yelled.
The pretend or possibly real demon, bounced its head off the table, flipped backwards in the chair and rolled into the wall behind him.
Cobble and Meckler looked at each other and replied in unison, “Cool!”
“That’s not funny!” the demon roared.
“I thought it was,” Meckler replied.
“Look,” the demon offered, “I’m sure my lack of power is only temporary. I’ve heard of things like this happening before. So it is useless to continue with these silly questions. I’m not answering anything else!”
“How old are you?” Cobble yelled out.
“16,002” the demon thing answered.
“Just as I figured. You have to answer everything I ask, don’t you?”
The demon let out a loud roar, shaking the room. “Yes, all of my powers are gone. I have to answer you, obey you, and live in your sick and pathetic little world until I am set free from this curse by King Lucifer’s tormentor.”
Meckler, with a grin on his face, asked, “You mean Jesus?”
The demon flew up to the room’s ceiling, smashing his head into the drywall and wood, then crashed to the floor. Pieces of the ceiling crashed down on him, and he sighed with disgust.
“So, this drunk you are in charge of tormenting, he’s going to become a preacher?” Detective Meckler asked.
“That is correct.”
“And you are assigned to stop him?” Cobble added.
“That’s what we do! Demons keep people from becoming what they can, believing all things are possible, and especially from believing in the one who makes all things possible. The fallen angels still have important work in this world. The same way the triumphant angels of Heaven celebrate the arrival of new pilgrims, my kind have a world we need to populate with your world of souls. Our revelry reaches a feverish pitch when earthly revivals of belief in Lucifer’s tormentor are stopped, setback, or prevented from ever occurring in the first place.”
“So, what happens if we lock you up?” Meckler asked.
“As I said before, my time here will be bri…” the demon started to say, suddenly disappearing from the room.
Detective Cobble and Meckler ran to the empty chair, looked around the room, and then searched the entire police station. After searching the police station for two hours, talking to every person in the building, and checking all the security cameras, the two detectives finally accepted the fact that the “demon” had completely vanished into thin air.
“So what do we do now?” Detective Meckler asked Detective Cobble, both men standing just inside the front doors of the Halesville Police Station.
Grabbing his car keys and making his way out the front door of the building, Detective Cobble answered, “We go take the world’s most important wino to Starbucks and tell him a story he’s not going to believe.”
“Yeah, that’s what I was hoping you’d say,” Detective Meckler said, following Cobble out the door.