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It Snot Funny
by Lynda Lee Schab 
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this is an alternative entry for the Writing Challenge topic, "Embarrassment." I submitted something else instead but wanted to share, just for fun.

Alyssa looked hot and she knew it.

Her hair was perfect. Make-up was perfect. She and Jade had gone to the mall the other day and she bought a great outfit – just for tonight. Gap low-rise jeans and an off-the-shoulder Hollister tee. Even her skin was glowing from the spray-on tan she’d had applied yesterday.

Yep. No doubt about it. She looked smokin’!

The only problem was that she felt a dreaded cold coming on. Two days ago, she woke up with a scratchy throat and she’d been popping vitamin C since. So far, it hadn’t seemed to help much. She was sniffling a little and her lips were slightly chapped from licking them. But, with her new Mac shade of Passion Pink, you couldn’t even tell. And she’d make sure to keep a couple tissues with her in case her nose bothered her.

Her cell phone rang and Alyssa flipped it open. She recognized Jade’s cell number.

“Where are you, girlfriend? Brad is here and he is lookin’ mighty fine! Get your hot little self over here before some other girl snatches him up!”

Alyssa heard music and noise in the background. The party was in full swing.

“I’m on my way. Keep an eye on him for me, okay?”

“I’ll try, Lyss, but I can’t promise.”

Alyssa snapped shut her phone and hurried out the door. As she drove to the party, her mind was only on one thing: Brad Pearson. Cool, gorgeous, football quarterback...and interested in her! Or so she’d heard.

Hence, the reason she had to look her absolute best tonight. She wanted Brad to notice. She wanted to leave an impression he wouldn’t soon forget. Maybe she’d even play a little hard to get. Of course, she didn’t want him to think she was blowing him off. No, she would definitely let him know she was interested.

If Jade didn’t let him get away, that is.

Dozens of cars lined the street and Alyssa squeezed into a spot between two sports cars. As she walked toward the house, she stifled a cough. Digging through her purse, she pulled out a cough drop and popped it into her mouth.

Inside, Alyssa looked around for Jade and found her in the basement shooting pool with a couple of friends.

“Where is he?” she asked, searching the room from side to side.

“He’s out back. But you’d better hurry. Carly Stevens was flirting pretty hard the last I saw.”

Jealousy oozed into Alyssa’s emotions and she narrowed her eyes. “Carly is nothing compared to me. I mean, do I look hot tonight, or what?”

Two guys standing nearby gave Alyssa the confirmation she needed.

“Okay...here I go. Come with me.” She pulled her friends arm and dragged her out back.

And there he was, sipping a diet coke, with an easy smile, surrounded by all of his football player friends and a few cheerleaders...like Carly Stevens. But not for long.

Brad looked her way. Was it her imagination or did his eyes light up? Carly shot her a dirty look as she approached.

“Hey, Brad,” Alyssa said, the cough drop dissolving in her mouth.

“Hi Alyssa. I was hoping you’d show up.”

He was hoping she’d show up! Yes! Score one for me! She gave Carly a smug smile.

“You’re looking pretty hot tonight,” Brad said.

She knew it was true, but it was still nice to hear. Particularly from him. Still, she’d laugh and act embarrassed, as if she didn’t really think she was.

And then it happened.

She laughed – through her nose. And something came out.

It would have been horrifying if it only came out onto her lip. But no. It ejected like a rocket, landing with a splat on Brad’s cheek.

At first, he looked stunned. Then confused. Then...disgusted. He reached up and felt his face. Looked at his slimy fingers. Then at her.

For the last time.

Everyone but Brad thought it was hilarious. Especially Carly. And even Jade...the traitor. The laughter closed in on her, the faces blending together in a jumbled mess.

Alyssa didn’t think it was funny either. In fact, it felt as if her cold was coming on stronger than ever. She turned and fled.

She didn’t feel so hot.

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Member Comments
Member Date
Lori Dixon 16 Jan 2013
Oh my word, girl . . . you have a sick sense of humour. Pun intended. Loved it!
Dee Yoder  28 Aug 2007
I don't know how I missed this, Lynda. It's just so funny! (I bit into a grape tomato once, and a seed flew into my pastor's eye, and I thought THAT was embarrassing.) Thanks for the laugh tonight!
Lucian Thompson 31 Jul 2007
Lynda, that was hilarious. I must know if she got the guy later or snot. Don’t leave us hanging on…sequel…sequel…sequel!!!
Jan Ackerson  31 Jul 2007
Oh no oh no oh no oh nooooooo...I can't think of anything more utterly humiliating! You've done a great job of writing here...
Joanne Sher  31 Jul 2007
Oh, honey - SOOOOOOO funny. Love love LOVE it!
Betty Castleberry 31 Jul 2007
How hysterical,and humiliating! Thanks for the laugh.
Kristen Hester 31 Jul 2007
Okay, I am totally laughing out loud. I know everyone always says LOL and perhaps others really do. But I hardly ever really LAUGH OUT LOUD butI did on this one. In fact, becuase of our earlier conversation, I started laughing early on and couldn't stop. You are brave, you are funny. You are a master of humor. The set up was perfect. A++++.
Sara Harricharan  31 Jul 2007
Oh, that is SO embarassing! Ouch and double ouch. You nailed this one! ^_^
william price 31 Jul 2007
Loved it! Needed a GREAT laugh after the day I had. Perfect medicine. You are a super talent, girl. God bless.
lauren finchum 31 Jul 2007
LOL. OMG. If that happen to me I think I'd kill myself! JK. This was so funny. As a matter of fact, this scene is what come to my mind when I have to go some where and I have a cold. Good Job!


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