Lord, You feel so far away
Because I have gone astray
Lately I have not put You first
Now lying in the valley I thirst
I have stepped into my enemy’s snare
My soul is vexed, filled with despair
I reach out a trembling hand
Help me to my knees, so I can stand
Rescue me again from my flesh
Renew my spirit and make me fresh
Consumed by waves, I am tossed
Restore me, for I have become lost
Nothing can pluck me from Your hand
On this promise, on My Rock I will stand
You are my strength when I am weak
It is You that I desperately seek
A space has formed between us
So I again seek You, Faithful and Just
Into my heart darkness has crept
By this gale I have been swept
Losing my focus, I have gone astray
Now I need You more this day
My flesh and spirit are at war
Now I swim for Your peaceful shore
Lord, You feel so far away
Help me return is what I pray
Once again Your Word is proved
It is not You, but I who moved
Brothers and Sisters,
Have you ever stood at the edge of a cliff, feeling the ground crumble beneath your feel? That is how it feels right now. I can see above and I can see below, yet I feel powerless to move away from the ledge. I am in the enemy’s territory trying to face him on my own; through my own strength and devices…I am losing.
Without excuse I have not been living up to a standard that I have set for myself as a Christian. I am not glorifying God with my words, my deeds, or my attitude. Pride has roared its ugly head with anger, no rage, for a companion. I have slipped and fallen. I have stumble and staggered. Buried under burdens of my own making, I feel defeated and beat. This is aiding the enemy who adds guilt and shame on top of these burdens.
I feel far from God, tempted to cry out “Eloi, Eloi, Lama sabachthani?” as the Lord did on the cross. “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” But who am I to cry such. This is such a powerful part of Scripture that I memorized this verse. It is this verse that shows me light in the darkness. It is this that I have come to cling to and through this verse my revelation.
How can I cry out “why have your forsaken me?” when it is promised that He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have consulted my Pastor and my friend on some of my hearts burdens. They have given me some Scripture and some advice as only elders and leaders can at times. They led me to Job, James, and Revelation.
Here is the hope. Jesus who paid the price once and for all has already cried this out. Jesus was removed from God at that point bearing the full cost of these sins and sinful thoughts, feelings, and ideas. These sins too are covered under the precious Blood of the Lamb.
I wrote this today with a pain that only a suffering heart can manage, yet even in this dark poem, you see the light. I know that My Father is there and has not move. I know that it is I who has moved. When you are lost, first you must acknowledge that you are lost (yes, even guys must admit this). Second, you must find out where you are currently located. Third, you must identify how to get back on the path. Finally, you must put that all important foot forward back in the right direction. I am moved…it was me who put the distance between us…it is me who must move back towards Him.
Guilt and shame has been preventing me from prayer and study. Guilt and shame has introduced a feeling long forgotten…hopelessness. So today, I take that step back in the right direction. I choose to get up from the ground and onto my knees to pray. This lesson has been painful and I am not through it yet, but I have a renewed hope.
Thank you to those who have helped with advice and prayer. Thank you for those who just pray when they are feeling led to prayer. Thank you all.
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