Ballad of the Scripture-twistiní Teacher
Once I was dirt poor but I ainít no more
Satan laid me low, slammed me down on the floor
Then a revelation struck me outa the blue
Blab it and grab it is the new gospel truth.
* * * * *
Iím a preacher, a Scripture-twistiní teacher
Pushiní prosperity DVDís
Rolliní in dough and itís all tax free
Iím a preacher, a money-makiní speaker
And if you poor peasants donít agree
Thatís a sure sign youíre jealous of me!
(Repeat last two lines after final verse)
* * * * *
Say it and believe it, be a billionaire
Pledge me the moon though the money ainít there
I get what I confess so that Rolex is mine
A son of the King ainít the workiní kind.
Heresy hunters like to search for dirt
They ainít got the foggiest what faith is worth
My preachiní and my teachiní pays big dividends
Donít nit-pickers know envy is a sin?
Give till it hurts so I wonít have to work
All I wanna do is peddle Godís Word
Gittiní rich for Jesus is the life for me
Sow me a seed so I can receive.
Moan and groan and repeat my words
Blessings youíre expecting must be birthed in the earth
You labor in the Lordís maternity ward
Bless me before your bucks are born.
I need a supersonic plane
Gotta fly far to get sinners saved
Give me a ring, save my ministry
Prove God today, send your dough to me.
Cover our altar with dollar bills
Donít hold back or youíll fry in hell
This recession is no excuse
If you love Jesus turn your money loose!
God bless all yíall widders out in TV land
Be faithful to foller our Blessing Plan
Your cup will be filled if you change your will
Leave us your loot and to heck with your bills.
Eat more cat chow, make a vow right now
Consecrate your cash, time to milk my cows
Give us the numbers on your credit card
You peasants wonít regret it, Iím your superstar!
* * * * *
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