We must become as a little child. I believe that we must return there (not in living in the past, but going there with God). We must make ourselves vulnerable and foolish before our daddy. We must tear down the walls that have kept us from allowing Him to come in and "fellowship" with us. We must become intimate with Him. We must abandon ourselves before Him.
Your childhood is where it happened (abuse), and naturally we see that if we act a certain way or do a certain ritualistic program (i.e., if someone has been verbally abused they will avoid certain situations to be in the lime light) then we can avoid more hurt. But then, Jesus comes along and he invades our space, he comes along side us and says, "may I sit here?"
And we squirm in our chairs and we start clinging to those walls and untrustingly we throw up an eyebrow. What does he REALLY want? If he takes this away from me, what will I have to define myself? This is what I have known since childhood. You long to be set free from it, but at the same time you are afraid to let it go.
You will be left naked before the King of the Universe. You will be completely vulnerable. Those walls will be obliterated and those securities are nowhere to be found. He sits beside you and you can't even look into his eyes because it is like a mirror being held up in front of you. He offers you his hand and you reluctantly take it. You know this is it. Your hand seems so tiny in His. When you finally are able to look Him in the eyes He is smiling. Then suddenly he frowns, not at you but at the wounds and tears that have marred your soul.
He saw the time you were left alone in the bedroom with the spirit of lust staring out through dark eyes and you were so frightened you couldn't even scream, all you could do was cry. He saw when those men who took advantage of you and then ripped at your self worth by leaving. He saw those times that words too horrific to repeat left gashes and tears leaving your heart to slowly bleed. He sees those times you jut wanted someone to love you and it seemed everyone else was chosen over you. You see it on his face. You know that he knows. And with tears flowing down your cheeks you hang your head.
You haven't noticed until now, but you're hands are hurting.
You look down and notice that you are holding on to those walls with all of your strength. Gently he lifts your chin and looks into your eyes. In one swift moment he moves your hands from the walls. You feel like you are falling and you panic. You grasp and beat your hands at the air, but it is too late. You suddenly feel a sense of freedom. You know you are plummeting and you know the ground is below you, but you have never felt more free then you do at this moment. You feel a sense of peace and joy you have never known before. You know that death is inevitable. You desperately search for His face, but you don't see Him. You can sense his presence, but you can't see His face. You are waiting for His hand to suddenly cradle beneath you, but it never does. You have resolved to the fact - you are going to die.
And you are okay with that.
You are okay with the fact that the walls have been obliterated. A joy that you have never known comes over you and you realize you have been set free. You look down and see that the heart that was once so marred and tattered - even unrecognizable is now whole. It resembles the heart you had when you were but a small baby. But this time there is something unique; something different and you look closer. Faintly stamped upon the outer edges is a reminder to the enemy who had brought his demolition upon you, it reads: My Own: Jesus. And you smile because you now know that it belongs to Him - completely. As you plummet downward the fear is now gone even though you can now see the ground beneath you. And seconds before you hit, you feel a sensation on your back you have never known before. And you know notice you are moving upward again. As you turn around the sight takes your breath away.
You have been given wings.
They are more beautiful than butterflies and stronger than eagles. Your joy is now full. Your first thought and reaction is to find Him and as you turn around - He is there. In front you, behind you, to the side of you and you now know He has been there all along. You can't wait to tell Him how grateful you are. You can't wait to hold Him and love on Him. Yet, it is different this time. As you fly closer you notice His face does not look the same. His once smooth brow is covered in blood and cuts. His face is swollen and bruised and as you look upon His hands and feet you notice the large holes. Yet, He is smiling as He looks upon you. Set free. And you know that you will never be the same again.
Jesus suffered for you. So that you can be set free.
"Surely He has borne our griefs,
And carried our sorrows;
Yet we esteemed Him stricken,
Smitten by God, and afflicted.
5But He was wounded for our transgressions,
He was bruised for our iniquities;
The chastisement for our peace was upon Him,
And by His stripes we are healed."