He wondered about himself. He knew that soon he would have to leave the safety of the learning period and go 'out into the world.'
Of course, he had been trained by the best of Teachers; of that there was no doubt. Everything he had seen and heard over the course of training had been for a purpose, he was sure. Each session, the curriculum, and every individual class needed to be savored and reviewed, as often as possible.
Even the worst lesson was important, the painful one. He had flunked that test so miserably! He assumed he would be expelled, the next time he had the opportunity to confer with the faculty. And the thing that really shamed him, when he thought back on that night, was that he was given a BIG hint that a quiz was coming, and still...
Me and my mouth. I just had to shoot off my big mouth, claiming I would lay down my life for Him. Sure. I wouldn't even acknowledge that we were from the same region! Just remembering the finals made him cringe at his own failure, and at what he had put others through, who were counting on him to be a leader.
Again, am I ready? For whatever my future holds 'in the real world'?
Our Teacher had given some pretty strong indications, now that I think about it, that things would get tough for us, the graduates who had majored in discipleship under His tutelage. Look what they did to Him.
But look what He did! He rose from the dead! The women told us what they had seen and heard, and we were skeptical, but then...
...they told me that the angel had said "Go, tell His disciples and Peter..."
...and Peter... At first I felt that meant I was excluded, but then I realized that I had been thinking of myself as a former disciple, someone who didn't belong to that particular fraternity anymore, because of my failure. But now, "and Peter" has come to mean that I am 'back in,' that I have another chance.
We all were given another chance, one more brief session of 40 days, to prepare ourselves and drink in the wisdom, the knowledge, and, most importantly, the example He set for us.
Then, He left. On sabbatical, it seems. He promised He would return, but didn't say when. Soon, I hope.
So, here we all are, waiting and praying. We're waiting for 'the Holy Spirit to come on us.' Interesting, but none of us are sure what that means. Or how long to wait. Or what to do with our degrees.
Will work just come our way? Or where should we go?
All I know is this: I am being sent out into the world as His representative, to share the good news about Him to everyone that I can, and I won't fail Him.