The pastor got disgusted
when he mentioned the church budget
Thereís way too much dead weight
Slouching in this hallowed place
Too many of you guys
Just want a free ride
So Iíll lay it on the line
Weíve got no time
For nickels and dimes.
We need more dollars
The preacher hollered
Pay what your faith is worth
Keep on giving until it hurts.
Jesus needs your sacrifice
For all the fixtures we need to buy
So dig real deep and give your best
Itís time to put the Lord to the test
Come on, now, donít look so depressed
Cheerful givers are bound to get blessed!
I work for peanuts
Just like Jesus
Thatís a big disgrace
In this prosperous place
I serve at the altar
I serve as your father
When you get a booboo
Iím quick to counsel you.
Not a week goes by
But somebody comes by
On my shoulder to cry
To be a pastor I have to drive
The price of gas is way out of sight
If it costs more Iíll have to hitchhike
Or pedal to conferences on a bike
If things get much worse
At this cheapskate church
Iíll have to munch on baloney for lunch
Or fast on water while I tend to this bunch.
Some say the tithe
Is just a big lie
And going to church
Shouldnít empty your purse
But what would you call it
If you grabbed your wallet
And left a big bill unpaid
After stuffing your face
With some restaurantís finest?
Would that be a kindness?
You get what you pay for
So donít beg for more.
Itís time for practicality
Donít sweat Scriptureís technicalities
Even if you canít call it a tithe
Donít you dare deny me whatís mine
An offering is the same green color
So long as itís big itís even better
Ten per cent is for skinflints
Youíd pay much more if you loved the Lord
And your rich reward on heavenís shore.
Iíve heard you yakking behind my back
ĎCause I donít buy my suits straight off the rack
I own my house, my car is brand new
I detect some envy and jealousy too
I live quite well, but itís for YOUR sake
Poor preachers donít a good testimony make
I want you guys to be proud of me
As you share Christ with the community
So whatís the big deal if my suitís made of silk
And I live like a king without any guilt?
Guess you guys are my cross to bear
Begrudging me my tithe is so unfair
Would you rob your own daddy
Who serves you spiritual candy?
Iíve gotta eat too
And take the occasional cruise
Those new velvet pews, they comfort you
Weíve got the fanciest choir loft
Our music director is worth his cost.
You enjoy all this week in and week out
So youíve really got nothing to grouse about
So prayerfully count the cost right now
As the offering bags begin their rounds.
If you donít give more
Youíll end up poor
And miss out on eternal rewards.
Some day youíll get your mansion and crown
But I need my blessings in the here and now
So open your wallet and make a vow
Promise God what you donít have yet
What better way can a believer bet
That to vow a million make-believe bucks
To prove to us that in God you trust?
Today you must choose
Whether or not youíll pay whatís due
Iím worthy of my hire
Nobody elseís preaching is finer
You always leave my church well fed
After Iíve broken your spiritual bread
And made it well worth it to get out of bed
So if you canít bear
To pay your fair share
For the very best preaching youíll hear anywhere
Go park yourself in a folding chair
Burger joint churches are everywhere
If you canít afford our cordon bleu
No problem saying goodbye to you.