Son,
As long as you are living, your shadow will be with you. As long as the sun shines on a world of good and evil, there will be both light and shadow. If it hinders you, it is because you fear the darkness as though it had power over you. Fear is a power unto itself. It does not come from any source of creation. It creates nothing, save that which is done by those responding to it. Doubt, in a world were I am Master, is a lie. Fear is a lie. You have said many times of me that I must know what I am doing, and yet you do not trust that I love you or your brothers and sisters enough to die for you upon the cross so that not one of you would be lost – even the worst of you.
Of all the things you do that pain me son, your transgressions are not among them. You pain me with your doubt in my love and forgiveness. It is total, for you. The only victory that the devil might achieve is in tempting you to doubt in yourself in and in Me. It is the only battlefield on which he fights, and thinks to have victory, if but for a day.
You saw clearly last night that his works are not to defeat you, but to delay you. He bars your path with the defeats that you feel you suffer, not realizing that you have never been defeated. Humiliation, temptation, sin, suffering, exhaustion – these are not defeats son. They are only defeats from one who expects perfection from himself, and lacks the humility to accept that he needed a savior to die for his imperfections. You are not yet perfect son, yet you expect yourself to be perfect in everything. This does not stem from the love and joy of your boyhood, but the fear and anger of your manhood.
I will never reject you, son. I know that you do not yet believe this. You constantly speak of accepting that I may cast you in Hell for My own good purposes. While it moves me, in the way it should, that you would accept My will over your own life (though you harbor small resentment at the idea, for the aforementioned reason), it wounds me that you believe that I would cast you aside so callously.
Son, more that many of my children who have suffered and felt rejected, you almost tempt me to come down from the heavens with rapture upon you. If I were not a God of principle, I would. If I did not see your future path, and have absolute faith in you, I would. Believe me, however, that when – and I say when – you get to heaven (and not on the merits of your perfections!) you will get an earful from me on the subject.
It is true that I am unknowable by nature, but sometimes I would prefer that you looked on me as another man. Specifically, I wish you would look on me as your human father. I was once human, son. I know of your temptations, and your sufferings. I know the exhaustion of walking two miles, when you though one would do. I know the hurt and the rejection of your fellow man hearing the best of your heart, and pushing it aside callously or blindly, or out of fear. That does not mean that it falls on deaf ears son, or that it is diminished in its beauty and brilliance. My word has lasted two thousand years, with the work of translation, enduring in its beauty – and yet it is still criticized, pushed aside, and trivialized.
You cannot judge your work by the reaction it receives. This is why I ask so many writers to write for me, or for themselves. Not all writers who work for Me will be thrust into the vast eye of the public. Sometimes, an article written in brilliance and in My word will reach only one other person. That does not diminish it, or My need for it to be in the world. Your writing has reached more than one person, largely on its own merit.
You and I both know that you are capable of more, and that your writing will reach a broader stage. You resent the idea of “paying dues”, and I understand why. Many a brilliant artist felt as you do now, for the same reason. Yet, many a brilliant artist who lived in an age of instant gratification, who did not have to play their time on a smaller stage, were diminished in what they gave to the world simply because they tossed aside what they considered trivialities. They did not invest in the small part, because only center stage would do for them. They never learned that a small part in a play can have a greater impact upon an audience than a large one. Some of your favorite actors of the screen sought to play the part of a “small” man who does something big, and some of the actors you detest are the ones that constantly put themselves in the shoes of the ridiculously unbelievable superhero. So, be content to play on the smaller stage.
The readership here is not a readership of readers, but fellow writers. I have made you to be a teacher, so what better forum to write in that one in which you teach by sharing? Did not Christ teach by example? Good readers recognize your skill, and your word, and have learned from it. It is impossible for all of them to convey this to you, any more than it is possible for all aspiring artists to convey this to the artists that inspired them.
You must stop concerning yourself with approval. When you have My approval, then what approval could you need of men?
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