Bud Gives Old Dad the Business
Taken from my current project:
God’s For-BEAR-ance With Bullies
Just imagine Bud Jr. interacting with Big Bud, his dad. In the first scenario Big Bud puts into practice the diplomacy he’s learned at his local parenting class.
Big Bud to Bud Jr.: I hate to sound critical, but your room is a bit unhygenic and malodorous. Pretty please, Bud Jr., won’t you rectify the situation? Come, show me how creative we can be in applying the old elbow grease. I’ll even go fetch the Ajax for you, to lend you a hand.
Bud Jr. knows he’s three inches higher than his dad. He sneers down at him as if he were pond scum and says: "Shove off, you old $*&@! It’s MY room!"
Big Bud loses his rag: "Shut up, you stupid punk! I’m the one who pays the rent to keep this roof over your head, so I get to make the rules. And if you don’t like it you can pack up all your stinking clothes in a garbage bag and go can go sleep in the gutter!"
Bud Jr. glares at him and goes up to his room, cursing.
Big Bud is a lost sinner. He’s physically too small to discipline Bud Jr. His status as breadwinner of the home is the only weapon he has at his disposal. Bud Jr. gave in to avoid being thrown out into the street, but the air is supercharged with hostility and tension. How would Big Bud have handled the crisis had he been a Christian?
Big Bud to Bud Jr., who is fresh from school.: "Son, I don’t want to sound unkind, but I can smell your track shoes and sweat shirts all the way down here. Please go straighten your room.’
Bud Jr.: "($%@#! off, you old *%&$#! It’s MY room!"
Big Bud: "Hey, where did you learn THAT kind of talk? You didn’t learn it from me!"
Bud Jr.: "None of your &%#$@ business. Shut up!"
Big Bud, calmly: "Son, it may be your room, but the Lord has placed me in authority over this home as its head, and I am to be respected. Now you apologize to me and then I’ll decide your punishment for swearing at me."
Bud Jr.: "&$#*&!! I’m sick of the way you’re always shoving religion down my throat. Don’t ever preach at me again, you little worm."
Big Bud applies a bit of tough love: "Son, go pack your things. If you can’t abide by my rules, you can’t stay here anymore! I won’t have you acting that way around little Ruthie and Jamie."
Bud Jr.: "Fine, I’ll stay with Gary Bradley. His dad’s real cool. He lets Gary drive his car and drink out of his liquor cabinet."
Big Bud: "If you go over there, you'll STILL be under my rules, because I hold legal jurisdiction over you. You take one sip out of Mr. Bradley's liquor cabinet and I'll swear out a warrant on him for serving liquor to a minor."
Bud Jr.: "Christians aren't supposed to get anybody into trouble!"
Big Bud: "All I know is, son, if you don't apologize right now to your dad and take your punishment like a man, you be in big trouble with MY Dad, because I'm gonna tell him all about you and ask Him to deal with you Himself in ways that I can't. In the Bible, God always assigns the hardest cases of judgment to the highest authorities. And if you think I'M hard on you, you ain't seen nothin’ yet."
Bud Jr. doesn't shout hallelujah but mumbles an apology. He accepts a six-month sentence of curtailed social life and extra household chores, along with a can of Ajax.
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