BEHOLD, I STAND AT THE DOOR AND KNOCK
by April Wilson
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All my life I have been searching for true happiness, for the true meaning of life and the purpose of my being. Why am I here? I have gone thru, been thru, and continue to go thru. I went on with no purpose. No emotion. No love. I was always in a crowd yet always alone. I was empty. Shallow. Void. I longed to be loved. Truly loved.
One day, as I was sitting alone harboring my pain, my disillusions, my anger, I heard a knock at the door. Wondering who it could be at this hour and with bitterness in my voice, I answered, "Who is it?" There camen no reply. Instead, the knock came again. "Who is it?!" The voice I heard was soft and sweet as He answered, "It is I. A friend. I've come to see about you." Curious, I cracked open my door and there before me stood the most glorious magnificent being I had ever seen in my life. His face was hidden from me behind a wall of sheer sunshine that glowed to the depth of my darkness. I stepped back not from the brightness of his being but from the love and sorrow I saw in his eyes.
"Who are you? You call yourself a friend. I don't know you and I don't have any friends."
"Ah, but you do. I have been a friend to you before you were born. I have been a friend who has watched your every step, your every move. I laughed when you laughed. I cried when you cried. I hurt when you hurt. I have been with you every step of the way. I have been calling you. I have sent messengers to you. All that I have tried did not come to pass; therefore, I decided to come see about you myself. In person. No more messengers. No more middle man. You see, my child, I am Jesus Christ. I love you and I have come to save you and make you mine."
I laughed mockingly at this stranger who says he "loves me." Ha! What a joke.
"Jesus, huh? You're Jesus? Yea, right! If you're Jesus then I am the beautiful Cleopatra stuck in time! Look mister, I don't know who you are, what you want or what you're after, but I'm not bitin'. I suggest you leave before I call the police." I tried to close the door but the stranger stood in the way.
"I know that you do not believe me."
"Why should I? The real Jesus would not show up around this dump just to...how did you put it? Ah, yes. 'See about me." Why would He? I've stolen. I've lied. I've cheated. I've abused and have been abused. I have stolen husbands from wives and wives from husbands. Everything Jesus stands for I am not. Jesus couldn't do nothin' with the likes of me. They say that Jesus saves. Well mister, I am past savin' You 'say' you love me. You don't even know me. You don't know what I am about. You don't know what I've been through, yet you love me?"
"Yes, I love you."
"Yea, well, I don't want your love! I don't want any part of your love or anyone else's for that matter! I've experienced 'love' and I am done with it! I want no part of it! Love has caused nothing but pain and heartache for me. Harm and despair...that's the kind of love that I know. The kind I've experienced. 'Love" is just a term men and women use to get what they want. I know. I've used it a thousand times myself. I have nothing else to do with good ol' love. Why don't you just leave me alone?"
"I cannot leave you alone. You are wrong, my child. I do love you. I love you very much. I love you unconditionally. I love you with an intensity that cannot be matched. I love you so much so that I allowed others to mount me to a wooden cross, nail my hands and feet to keep me there while I hung high up in the sky. They pierced my side and soaked my wounds with vinegar and salt. To top it off, a wreath made of thick piercing thorns was placed upon my head. For hours and hours I laid upon that cross and suffered excruciating pain. I was mocked. I was laughed at. I was scorned. I was accused of no wrong doing. I was crucified. I was crucified for you. I loved you enough to die for you and if I had it all to do again, I would. That is how much I love you. I love you to give to you not to take away. My love for you is so fierce and so strong that I often shed blood for tears. My child, I've shed my blood for you. No strings attached. No conditions. No limits. My love knows no boundries. I have been knocking on your door for a very long time. I would have continued until you opened that door and allowed me to come in. You see, I will not force myself upon you. You must accept me willingly."
"And if I don't?"
"Then I will continue to knock at your door until you do."
"Behold, I stand at the door and knock, if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him and will sup with him, and he with me."
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