‘Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God,
"Why did you let me down?”’
My mailbox moment occurred on June 7, 2004. It was not a good moment for me. My whole life just fell apart as I was standing right next to my home’s mailbox. From where I sit today, I can see the mailbox. And more often than I would like to admit I, late at night, grab a blanket, nestle myself in the front room of my house and look intently (almost expectantly) at the little box my magazines make their residence in.
Of two things I am sure during my midnight staring: I’ve never been more disappointed and I’ve never been more devastated than in my Mailbox Moment. For me it is one of those memories that I can press play on at any given time and watch it unfold as if it is right before my very eyes for the first time. It knocks the breath out of me whenever I remember. It still hurts all this time later.
I wonder if you can relate. Perhaps your Moment happened near a bird cage or a go-kart. Perhaps it happened in your kitchen. At the hospital. In a cemetery. Near an airport. Somewhere in the woods. At a BBQ. Perhaps you cannot even remember where you were in your Moment but you remember the weight and pain of it all too well.
During my late night mailbox peeking, “Sometimes I ask God, my rock-solid God, "Why did you let me down?”’ I’ve had many nocturnal question sessions with God about my Moment of disappointment and devastation. Not a day goes by without it running through my mind. Sure, it has gotten a lot easier but something always brings me back to that underlining query. Why did you let me down?
I think it is interesting that I continue to ask God why He let me down. I’ve long since recovered from the other person letting me down…but my God? My rock-solid God, letting me down? Now that strikes a cord within me. And I keep coming back, looking for an answer. Why? Why? Why?
Tonight it just hit me. I now look forward to my Mailbox Moments. That probably sounds emotionally sick – but I honestly find such reward in the open dialogue of those hidden minutes. I think what the Lord is teaching me is that I am not so much coming back looking for a reason for the let down …but am simply looking for a reason to come back.
You see my Mailbox Moments have become my Honest Pursuit – to even in disappointment and devastation not turn away from but turn to Christ. To lay before Him my wonderings, my hurts, my pain, my joy, my jokes. It is almost as if I come to the mailbox to send out my prayers.
There are so many truths about Christ to be discovered. Once you get a taste of Him, I know from firsthand experience that you instantly want more…What do you need more of today? Is it comfort? Joy? Answers? Evidence?
Jeremiah 29:12-13 throws us into God speaking, "When you call on me, when you come and pray to me, I'll listen. When you come looking for me, you'll find me. Yes, when you get serious about finding me and want it more than anything else, I'll make sure you won't be disappointed." Such a powerful promise but it is the next verse, 14, that has me thinking….
"I'll turn things around for you. I'll bring you back from all the countries into which I drove you"—GOD's Decree—"bring you home to the place from which I sent you off into exile. You can count on it.” Interesting. Here God’s promise ends with a telling confession. He will bring us back from all the countries into which He sent us…back from exile.
Isn’t that something? He speaks this to corporate, biblical Israel but it applies to us today. Where have you been in exile? At what caged memory have you been standing wondering and waiting for God to answer you on why He has let you down? And left you here?
I root on behalf of your heart’s honesty today. The Word of God clearly tells us when we get serious about finding Him and when we honestly call and pray, He listens. Maybe like me you were looking for mail in the wrong mailbox – and what you thought was a Heaven Letdown was in actuality a heavenly invitation for you to seek Him.
And even better find Him.
I’ve sometimes asked, “Why, Lord, have you let me down so?” Based on our Jeremiah findings today His answer renders me speechless, “So you will not be disappointed.”
Meet me at the mailbox tonight. Put your petitions and earnest cries out there. Test the waters. Be honest before Him. His Word declares He will bring us back home – and that is something we can count on.