If I wasn't so small maybe I could put all these pieces back upon the bookcase they fell from, but we are all made for a reason? This is what we've been taught in the Sunday morning bible classes, right? Everything seems so big to me; I wish my eyes could perceive the moments above the sun. I miss out on so much because of my lack of confidence, my lack of faith.
Devotion is the word on my lips, the word hidden under my actions. I wish it wasn't hidden anymore. What would I be if the word was tattooed across my face instead of written under my fingers with a broken pencil? I think about this often while the water washes the dust and filth away from my shoulders and off my hands.
Smut is me. I should be renamed to the person I am, the thing I scamper towards. My lips utter something false. My eyes demonstrate an illusion.
"If I wasn't so small…" This is my reason for what I do? It seems that I've lost everything just to gain a height problem. I wish this wasn't so. Days have passed and I have fought the idea… the idea that I might be wrong; that I might just not make it this time.
I am evidence for guilt. I am on display, my heart exposed and my lungs gasping for something real living inside of such a fake shell. I am an art exhibit occupied of a few black canvases and heaps of grey areas.
Hesitation. This is me. Uncertainty. This is me. Skepticism. This is me.
Kyle, I dare to say this is not you. Yes, we all feel this way sometimes, more often than not for some than others. And yes, this is what we are taught in Sunday school 'we are made for a reason'. I am one of those shorties (as a friend of mine often calls me) who wish I was a bit taller sometimes and didn't have to call my husband to reach the high schelves but I excel in other areas where my husband isn't so strong and we make a great team :) The same applies in our spiritual life there are areas we are gifted in and others we have to admit we weren't called to pursue but combining our gifts with the body makes a great team. You write your poetry and highlight an area of need in the church someone else recognise this need and does something about it...thankfully, you are penning thoughts others can relate to and I know this release flowing from the tip of your finger's pen is what will take you to that place you desire to be. Keep focused on Christ who is your strength and will help you to do all things you are created to do through Him.
God bless you and your ministry.