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Nose
by Charles Lee
03/21/07
Not For Sale
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Being born with a disproportionately huge honker right in the middle of my face has had its disadvantages. Sure, being born into a family with a patent on the “Lee nose” has had its moments of glory, but generally only at Lee reunions where everyone “picks” on everyone else’s big nose.

My problem lies in several different areas. First, I don’t have the hook that is so pronounced on my father and oldest sister, who will remain anonymous. It’s there, but it isn’t as prominent as theirs. Some people have all the luck.

Secondly, I don’t have the gift of the nose as do my two older brothers, my older brother’s sons, and my own son. They can do this thing with their noses that would make a mortician laugh. I wish I could describe it sufficiently so that you could laugh too, but you’ll just have to take my word on it. It’s just a gift.

I did inherit the three sneeze minimum from my father. Very seldom will I sneeze less than three times at one sneezing. It seems the older I get the longer the sneeze sequence. These are not your dainty, squinch your nose up and ah-phew sneezes. They are the everyone run for your life the dam’s about to break sneezes. The walls of the house suck inward when I’m in my “AAHH…AAAAHHH…AAAAAAAAHHHHH” stage of the sneeze. The kids have to hold on to something to avoid being sucked into a nostril.

Along with the oversized orifice comes the problem of allergies. Spring used to be my favorite time of year. How could it not be when turkey season opens? Gardens are planted, flowers bloom, trees start sprouting fresh green leaves, and it’s not too hot and not too cold. However, along with the flowers comes the pollen. I don’t know what it is about pollen that triggers a sneezing fit, but I think it has something to do with the little fellows tickling the hairs in the nose. That’s my theory anyway and I’m just too lazy to look it up.

I guess I’ll just have to take the good with the bad. The good being an interesting conversation piece among Ear, Nose, and Throat doctors, and the bad being highly susceptible to bugs zipping right up the nostril and into the gag reflex with incredible regularity. They must think it looks inviting, but who knows the mind of a bug?

I’m okay with the nose God gave me. Just like every other aspect of life, you have to have some things to keep you in check. Without this nose, I’d be the spitting image of Robert Redford in his early days. There’s no telling what kind of life I would live if I had his money, looks, and general appeal. God just gave me this nose to keep me humble.

Now if I can just keep the Sheriff’s department from calling every time they need help sniffing out drugs or trailing criminals who have hidden out in the woods.

If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW

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