I will always be with you
Paperwork, paperwork and more paperwork. My office desk was piled with an array of brightly colored folders, spilling paperwork over the green blotter and onto the carpet.
My PC was under there somewhere. I know it was, I used it this morning.
Most of my work was done. At least the big things were. The important stuff, anyway. The other work I could finish up on Monday.
It had been one of THOSE weeks. Finally it was over. Almost.
I could tell by the fading light coming in through the blinds it was nearly quitting time.
One of my coworkers stuck her head inside the door. “Don’t forget we’re taking you out after work tonight.
So finish up,” she yelled.
Not tonight. I’m beat. It’s been a really long week.
But she was so perky! I hate perky. You just can’t argue with perky.
So I finished tidying my organized mess. Yelled to my secretary not to touch anything (not that she would’ve anyway) and left my office.
Walking outside, I noticed it was pretty. The sky was alive with the loveliest shades of reds.
It was cold. Really rather bitter cold. This was March, after all.
Driving to the pub nearby, I met up with Miss “Perky” and her just as exuberant pals. Why were we friends, I wondered.
Inside we were ushered to a table. The candle on the table was drowning itself. But the dishes and silverware was clean and tasteful.
It didn’t take long to get our orders or wine . The food was good and there was plenty of it.
Overall, I didn’t mind the evening . Not even when the waitress brought the birthday cake and my coworkers burst into “Happy Birthday”.
As we were getting up to leave and go our separate ways, I was feeling almost pleased with the evening festivities.
The background music began playing softly(or maybe I just didn’t hear it before). A song I hadn’t heard in years was playing.
A song from my wedding. And it brought a single tear rolling down my cheek.
Thankfully, no one noticed. We all parted company, went our separate ways.
The apartment was dark. I unlocked the door, threw the keys in the dish on the coffee table and sat on the floor and cried. No, I didn’t just cry. I sobbed. Heart breaking, body racking sobs.
After half an hour of this, I pulled myself from my misery and strolled through the place.
There wasn’t one photograph, not one piece of memorabilia of that part of my life. This apartment was me. No one else. Just me.
I had the drapes I liked. I chose the furniture. All the knick knacks were something I had picked. It was the most depressing place I could imagine right then.
After searching high and low, I finally found a photo of him. My love. My better half.
I miss him so much. I thought I had moved on. I thought I was over the hurt.
Looking around the place, I realized I had only removed things I couldn’t bear to be around.
I didn’t even listen to his favorite music or watch his favorite movies anymore.
One song from my past had brought the hurt flooding through my entire being . It came with such a vengeance that I was sure I would die from a broken heart. Actually, I think I wanted to die at that moment.
I hurt so bad.
The same way it felt so many years ago.
It’s been nearly ten years . So why does it still hurt like it was yesterday?
Crying myself to sleep that night, I dreamt of the good times. Days of long ago.
Drifting off I felt warmth and caring. It felt as though arms were wrapped around me and I was safely entwined in the love I had lost.
I dreamt of watching bad movies together, dancing by the fireplace and walks in the park. I could remember how the house smelled after he’d burnt the popcorn. The way his aftershave lingered in
the air. I could envision those little hairs he left in the sink when he trimmed his moustache.
And I heard the sweetest “...I will be with you always....”.
Then I awoke. It was a new day.
I stumbled into the bathroom, took a shower and checked myself in the mirror. Deciding makeup wasn’t going to help fix my “cried-out” look, I got dressed in sweats .
I still felt drained. My little “moping party” had left me with red, swollen eyes and no energy.
Well, maybe some cappuccino would lift my spirits.
I headed to the corner convenience store for the sweet liquid and a newspaper.
The closer I got to the store, the more I knew things were going to be okay now. There was a peace about me I can’t explain.
Entering, I noticed there weren’t many folks for a Saturday morning. I got my newspaper and drink
and sidled up to the counter.
“I’ll pay for the lady’s stuff, too”
Looking up I realized the tall young man was paying for me. How kind! You hardly ever see acts of random kindness like that anymore. I was touched. I thanked him.
He even opened the door for me when leaving.
Apologizing for my boldness, I asked if he’d care to join me in the park across the street for a few minutes.
He spoke quietly and agreed to join me.
We settled on a park bench, enjoying our coffees and watched as children played football. After a few minutes, a football came sailing past my head. A little boy about ten years old came to retrieve the wayward ball.
He timidly asked if I was alright. Then, he said the strangest thing! He remarked his concern as I appeared lonely.
“ No, no I was conversing with my friend.”
Yet when I looked next to me there was no one. I was alone on the bench.
I mumbled something to the boy, excused myself and hurried home.
Thinking I was now insane, I couldn’t wait to get away from people and wanted the seclusion of my apartment.
As I climbed the steps to my front door, I was bombarded with feelings of warmth, love and peace.
It felt like I was being smothered in care and concern. It was the best feeling I’ve ever experienced.
I filled the rest of the day with menial tasks but this feeling never left.
My thoughts kept returning to the stranger that disappeared. The harder I tried to reflect on the who and why the more care I felt within myself.
Was he imagined? Or was he an angel
from God? Or even Jesus Himself?
It doesn’t matter. What does matter is it got me through a bad time in my life. It brought me out of despair and gave a new beginning to my life. It made me realize each day is part of my life, whether it’s a good day or not.Jesus took all our griefs and sorrows to the cross. We don’t have to wallow in despair anymore. He took the hurt away. Then He wrapped us in love and peace. That’s something that will always be at our disposal. We don’t have to hurt unless we choose to do so.
“...I’ll be with you always...”
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