Lord, can I make a suggestion about Leviticus?
The priest shall take some of its
blood with his finger and put it on
the horns of the altar of burnt offering,
and pour out the rest of its blood at
the base of the altar.
"I'm having trouble reading Your Book."
"Well, I'm trying to be sensitive about this,
"I think most of Your Book is pretty disgusting."
"No, Lord! It's not that; but, I just find too
much of Scripture kind of offensive, that's all."
"I heard you, My beloved."
"I'm sorry, Lord! I don't want You to get the wrong idea!"
"That you find much of My Word disgusting, child?"
"No. No, You've taken it the wrong way, Lord!"
I just eh, find.....a lot of parts somewhat lacking in good taste."
"It is about life, child."
"Well, why do You have it in there: all that blood, and
gore, and well, other stuff?"
"It is man's history child: his and Mine."
"So be it, daughter."
"Yeah well, I just find reading about You
difficult, that's all. Either I don't understand it,
or I wish I didn't."
"Go on, precious."
"Am I digging a big hole for myself, here, Lord?"
"Read My Word, child."
"I can't write this other part, Lord.
Here: I'll let You look at these pages.
See what I mean?"
"This Book of Leviticus: why didn't
You write something about how
dolphins communicate, or something? It
would have been much more pleasant to read."
"It wasn't the time, child."
"Or, You could have spent a chapter telling
the children of Israel how You put together
the sun, or Pluto."
"It didn't concern them, child."
"So? I don't like this Book, Lord.
It's very offensive."
"Uncleanliness offends ME, child."
"Well, yeah. But, Lord, everybody
"I am talking about sin, child."
"And, this bit about the unleavened bread, Lord:
when I was a kid, we just called it matzo. I never
thought of it as bread without sin; I usually just
smothered it in butter or cream cheese. It was
also okay with peanut butter."
"Well, Lord; it's Your Book. I don't want to
tell You what to do, or anything. Actually,
I did have some suggestions......"
"Child, do You know Who I Am?"
"Yeah, Lord; You parted the Red Sea.
Though, when I was a kid, I thought
Charlton Heston did that."
"But anyway, I thought perhaps we
might work on drafting another Bible,
together. You know, Lord: one that is
more esthetically appealing, and
"I'll think about it, child. Anything else?"
"Oh, yeah; I've got a whole bunch of
suggestions, Lord. I also think You should
tell us all when You plan to come back;
that way, we'll all be ready for You."
"Be ready, now."
"I am, Lord!"
"Read My Word, child."
"All of it?"
"Yes, all of it."
"Ech. I mean, eh, yeah. Okay."
for these words are trustworthy and true.....
I am the Alpha and the Omega,
the beginning and the end.
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