Anna Nicole We Barely Knew You
by James Snyder
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Trying to relax and catch up on what was happening in the world, I was channel surfing and getting more disgusted by the moment. No matter what channel or what program I turned to, something of the Anna Nicole Smith story found its way into the program. It did not matter if it was war news from Iraq or the snowstorm in New York, somehow the reporter managed to relate it to Anna Nicole Smith.
This shows just how talented these reporters really are. They are able to take nothing and build it into a story that can go on for weeks on end. There is some evidence suggesting they take their apprenticeship as writers on soap operas.
Just as I settled on a news story, a shadow slid through the doorway and behind that shadow emerged the Gracious Mistress of the Parsonage. I knew she was a little disturbed.
Husbands have a sixth sense, or is it a seventh sense, about this sort of thing. For some of us itís called survival. Knowing when to duck just may save your life.
The thing that really tipped me off was the fact that she stood there with both hands firmly planted on her hips, eyes blazing and her lips closed defiantly. I knew someone was in trouble. Was that someone me?
Then she spoke. ďIf I hear or see another story about that woman I think I will scream.Ē
From her demeanor and the tone of her voice, I knew she was not making some empty threat just to pass the time. I have known this woman for a long time and never once has she ever made an empty threat.
And believe me, there have been a multitude of threats through the years usually focused in my direction. Secretly, I felt sorry for the person who would introduce the subject in her hearing. I knew what was in store for that person.
She then repeated her threat. ďThe next time I hear that womanís name I will scream.Ē
I donít know what came over me. But somewhere deep inside me something took this as a challenge. I donít know why because I have been a husband long enough to realize such challenges only bring harm to the person who responds. In spite of decades of experience, something came over me I could not control let alone explain.
Normally, I try to get along with everybody, especially the other occupant of my house. I know what the Bible says on the subject, ďa house divided cannot stand.Ē Personally, I canít stand a divided house.
A wise husband knows when to keep silent. I have never been accused of being wise.
Therefore, in this spirit, let me see if I can add something to the Anna Nicole Smith story and let come what may.
I then began scrounging around trying to figure out some new angle or something that has not been touched upon by the news media concerning Anna Nicole. It turned out to be a much harder task than I first envisioned.
I began having a new respect for these news reporters. After all, for almost a month they have been titillating us with bits and pieces of the Anna Nicole story.
However, I believed if I put my mind to this task, I could come up with something new to arouse my audience. The problem is, as I have discovered, since 1993 every side of Anna Nicole has been exposed. And some sides more literally than others. If there is a side we have not seen it probably does not exist. All through her career, if you want to call it that, she has made it her business to expose herself to the public.
In spite of all this exposure throughout the years, we really do not know very much about Anna Nicole. One thing I discovered about her that I did not know before and that is Anna Nicole is not her real name. Go figure. What else isnít real?
The more you delve into the subject the more you realize not much about her is real. Iím wondering if the person who did the autopsy found any original parts. The big mystery surrounding her is who is the father of her little baby girl? Several people (and the list gets longer every day) have volunteered information that itís very possible they could be the father. Of course, with a suspicious mind like mine, Iím wondering if we really know who the mother of the little baby is?
I have a sneaking suspicion that we will never know the truth about the details of her life and death. Isnít it funny, the more public exposure a person has, the less the public knows about that person?
And, the less the public knows about the person the more the public wants to know about that person. I guess thatís what ďcelebrityĒ is all about.
I certainly have failed in my quest of finding something new about Anna Nicole Smith, but there is another quest I have succeeded in magnificently. That quest concerns the true God.
ĒAnd we know that the Son of God is come, and hath given us an understanding, that we may know him that is true, and we are in him that is true, even in his Son Jesus Christ. This is the true God, and eternal life.Ē (1 John 5:20 KJV.)
To barely know God does nobody any good.
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Wow... I love the way you ended this article! I was just thinking today that Anna Nicole got way more publicity in her death than I know her to ever have gotten in her life. Her face has been there almost every time I've seen a television over the last couple of weeks and I don't know one bit more about her now than I did a month ago. I don't know about screaming over it, but I understand full well your wife's frustration. Wonder what would happen if they'd give Jesus that kind of publicity.