Anger threatens to consume me. Everywhere I turn, there seems to be something else, always something else, to get angry about.
I'm not an angry person. I am the person who lets things go, who allows all the arrows to fall harmlessly around me.
But today, a number of things have threatened my peace of mind, and I am trying my best to quench the storm that is raging within my soul. And it's not even lunchtime yet!
First of all, and this may sound silly to you men, but I have no doubt you women will get what I'm about to say, my husband is sick. Very sick with some sort of stomach bug, although he seems to be recovering nicely at this point. I got up early and took my mother to work, came home. My husband, as soon as I sat down to read the paper and have my much needed cup of joe, said, "How bout making me a breakfast sandwich". This wasn't an unusual occurance by any means. But he's been up and moving around pretty good in the last day or so. I couldn't help but think of the last few weeks when I was ill myself. I still took our son back and forth to school and basketball games. I still went to the grocery store, cooked, cleaned, and got the bills paid. I didn't ask him to wait on me--not once. Seems unfair somehow. He could've easily made that darn sandwich himself. Resentment spilled over--I was praying mighty hard as I went about that business.
Then, I went out to get the mail. Another notice from an attorney. I have just sent our mortgage company nearly two thousand dollars--three months worth of payments (we got behind again when Rick had his car accident and couldn't work--still, we called them and explained the situation and they said they'd make note of it--I think someone forgot to do that!). I just mailed them the last of the arrearage payments on the equity loan, and now, not only do they want to move to take our house again, they want to charge us even more money in attorney fees. Where is our bankruptcy lawyer in all this? We paid him to protect our interests, have kept him up to date on all developements--why isn't he doing his job?
Oh, Lord. I'm so tired of all this stuff. When will it end? Please don't let this anger consume me--I don't want to sin on top of everything else. I know You can handle my anger, as well as all these upsets, but how much more do I have to endure? I'm trying to be faithful. I'm trying to just trust in You. But even with that, I need Your help. In Jesus name. Amen.
We all get angry and upset. The only thing we can do is not let it take over and lead us down a wrong path.
That's what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna place it all into God's hands and wait it out.
Things will get better eventually.
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Beth, you are experiencing "growing in the spirit" pains I think. My prayers are with you.
Just a footnote to this article--I think some of my unease while writing this article may have been due to the fact that I came down with above mentioned bug myself later that night and I am happy to report that my husband has been waiting on me hand and foot--and he's paying a visit to our lawyer this afternoon. I have asked and been forgiven for my sour attitude of that day. I still am unable to move around very much right now, but feel a total recovery just around the corner. Thanks for reading--Beth