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It all began back in mid year of 2006, somewhere around the end of summer. My mom was slowing down off and on and when I would ask her what was wrong she really wouldn't share. She would just say I'm getting older and a little tired, but I'll be all right. Then in the fall and winter of 2006 her health began to take a turn for the worst, I began to see that there was a great possibility of me losing my mother.
Still, I did not want to accept the fact that my mother was seriously ill and I kept believing that she would be okay. I was grounded in the Lord, went to church and prayed faithfully to God not to let her illness get the best of her and speaking to Him about how she was a servant of the Lord and worked faithfully to bring fruits of labor before the Lord as He deemed necessary. It was because of my mother that I placed all faith in Him to bring her through.
But, as God willed it He called my mother to be by His side on April 19, 2006, five days before her birthday, I and my family was devastated. At this time I began questioning God and asking why, and what was I to now do without her in my life. You see my mother was my all. We spoke daily sometimes two, three times a day and it was not a night that would go by that I did not call her and tell that I loved her and Good Night.
It has been truly hard for me because everything reminds me of her and us and the things that we did together. I have had to reach out to God through tears, pain and plenty of lonely moments to get through this grief.
I have come to learn and I am still learning that it is only with God as my anchor that I am making it. God has given me the strength to cry my tears and then be okay when it is over. He has given me the wisdom to know that He has not forsaken me nor has He left me. God will give you strength through other people and their issues. God will allow you to see that although you are hurting you are also growing and in that growing process you are being a testimony to another who may be going through and feeling as if they can not make it.
Prayer, is just another form of speaking with Jesus and I speak with Him daily and I keep my mind on Him and I try and stay in His cover all ways. My faith has gotten stronger in the Lord and I know it is only through the grace and mercy of Jesus that I can even write this today.
Beliving that Jesus is my Redeemer and Saviour allows me to be okay with the void that my mother has left and still grieve for her with love and passion. Yes, my heart hurts continously and my life has been altered drastically, but God makes everything work together for His good and I am now more involved in my church ministry and doing what I can so that another who may be hurting does not have to hurt alone. If God can do it for me then I know and have faith that you too will get through the grief. Just lean on Him and speak with Him. You'll see.
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