I wonder where the Sea of Forgetfulness is located. I have quite of bit of junk I need to throw in there.
Yes, I know that everything that I have asked to be forgiven for through the years has been already thrown there by You, Lord. But, it seems that even though You have been able to forgive and forget, I am having a little harder time doing the same.
There was that little incident a few days ago that I canít seem to get off my mind. And then thereís that huge mistake I made when I was eighteen that follows me wherever I go. And letís donít even mentionÖwell, You know.
And Lord, You know thereís all those things that I should have done, but for one reason or another, I never did. Things that I knew You really wanted me to do, but I still didnít do them. Why? I have no excuses.
I know that it is Your way to allow our wills to win over in all things, and I would never question Your judgment in anything. But, Lord! You know how badly I can screw things up! My will should not be allowed to dictate anything! Not decisions. Not direction. Not which cup to pick to pour my coffee into in the morning. In fact, my will should be in some kind of safety deposit box under lock and key and never be allowed light of day.
Your ways are always so much better than mine. And better for me, too. So why is it that I so often choose not to follow Your ways, and go my own crazy, diluted, and misbegotten way?
I just donít know, Lord. Maybe Iím not listening as closely as I should. Yes, thatís more often the case than not. Lord, help me be able to hear Your voice over my own every day and in every decision to be made.
And those times when I hear You, but Iím pretending that I donít? Yell, Lord. Yell! Make me hear You. Get in my face. Back me in a corner. Give me a sudden case of deafness to everything that is not Your voice.
And Lord, give me peace. Peace about all those things that I just canít seem to forgive myself for. All those circumstances that I question my decisions in. All those things that keep me awake at night and quite often steal the joy that I should be enjoying.
Because I should be enjoying joy, Lord. I am Your child. And I am loved by You. You have moved mountains and molehills just for me. And there is nothing that I have ever done, nor any mistake that I am sure to make in the future that will ever change that. Remind me of this every day, Lord.
I Love You, Lord.