(Two characters enter from stage right. Jeff, in his twenties, is dressed well but looks uncomfortable. His Mind is dressed simply in dark clothing.)
Jeff: I donít think this outfit is really my style.
Mind: It looks good on you. Donít worry.
Jeff: I guess Iím just a little nervous. Itís only my second time going to Impact Church and I want to make a good impression.
Mind: Just remember what I taught you: Donít come off as too friendly. Donít go to people firstólet them come to you. And, whatever you do, donít under any circumstances give them personal information.
Jeff: Why not? The people here are different from the other churches Iíve been to. They treat me like Iím family. I feel like I can be myself here.
Mind: Bad idea. On the outside these religious people seem friendly, but on the inside they canít wait to get the dirt on you so they can throw it in your face. Just do what I say and youíll be fine.
Jeff: Okay, if you say so.
Mind: Letís go.
(They both enter the church from stage right. A Greeter meets them from stage left.)
Greeter: Good morning! You came here last week, right?
Jeff: Yes, I did.
Greeter: Welcome back! Itís good to see you againÖ (Greeter goes to give Jeff a hug.)
Mind: FREEZE! (Greeter freezes. Jeff looks at Mind.)
Jeff: Whatís wrong?
Mind: Sheís trying to give you a hug.
Mind: Remember rule number one? Donít appear too friendly. Give her that Ďchurch hugí I showed you. (Jeff is reluctant) Go on.
(Greeter unfreezes. Jeff gives her the religious light patted hug.)
Greeter: Come on in.
(Greeter exits stage right. A Nursery Worker stage left sees Jeff and approaches him.)
Worker: Hi Jeff! How are you doing?
Jeff: Iím good. How are you?
Worker: Iím doing great. I remember you from last week. You asked me about helping out with the childrenís ministry, didnít you?
Jeff: Absolutely! Iím very interested.
Worker: Great! Thatís awesome! I donít have a need for help with the children this week, but we are in need of several nursery workers. So I was wonderingÖ
Mind: FREEEEEZE! (Worker freezes. Jeff looks back at Mind.)
Jeff: Whatís wrong now?
Mind: Donít you see what sheís doing? (Jeff shrugs.) Sheís recruiting you.
Jeff: Sheís what?
Mind: If you work in the nursery once, youíll be working there all the time. Sheís totally taking advantage of you.
Jeff: I told her I wanted to do it.
Mind: Trust meódonít do it. Hey Jeff, have I ever led you wrong? (Worker unfreezes.)
Worker: Are you available to work in the nursery this Wednesday night?
Jeff: Uh, Iím sorry but Iím unavailable that night.
Worker: Okay. Well, Iíll definitely keep you posted with the childrenís ministry, all right?
Jeff: Thanks. (Worker exits stage left.)
Mind: You did the right thing.
Jeff: Then why do I feel like I lied?
Mind: You didnít lie, youÖ
Jeff: I lied. And for something I was completely willing to do.
Mind: Hey, you were the one who wanted to make an impression. If it werenít for me the people here wouldnít give you the time of day, much less recruit you for nursery work. Ugh!
Jeff: Look, maybe you should just ease back. Itís not like Iíve had a lot of success in the past by listening to you.
Mind: More success than you would have had without meÖ
Jeff: Hey, just back off!
(A male Impact member enters stage left and approaches Jeff.)
Impact member: Jeff! Hey, man! Howís it going?
Impact member: You came back, thatís awesome! (Impact member looks as if heís going to hug and kiss Jeff on the cheek.)
Mind: FREEEEEEEEEZE!!!! (Impact member freezes. Jeff pauses before looking back at Mind. Mind stands there stupefied.) WHAT---ARE---YOU---DOING?!?!
Mind: Donít you see?! Heís going to hug you and then heís going toÖtoÖkiss you?!?
Jeff: On the cheek.
Mind: I donít care where heís going to kiss you! He is a man. You donít kiss another man! Everyone will think youíreÖyou knowÖpeculiar. And not in your normal way.
Jeff: Look, this is my co-worker and my friend. Heís the one that told me about Impact church. Heís closer to me than my own brother. I think in this situationÖ(Mind is shaking his head.) What?
Mind: You donít care what anyone thinks about you, do you? No matter what I tell you to do you manage to screw it up. You come to me, your mind, to help you in these situations at church, at work, at home. And you still manage to mess them up! You are a failure! Itís a wonder you havenít lost me yet.
Jeff: You know what? Youíre right. Maybe I should lose you. (He grabs his Mind by the collar and forces him stage right.)
Mind: Hey, what are you doing?
Jeff: What I should have done a long time ago. Leave you out of it!
Mind: You canít do this to me! You canít live without me!
Jeff: I canít live with you the way you are now! Iím going to stay here at Impact, Iím going to help where I can because I enjoy it, Iím going to grow here and Iím going to follow Godóand youíre going to follow me for a change!
(Mind stands flabbergasted. Jeff goes back to the Impact member, who unfreezes. Jeff hugs and kisses him.)
Jeff: Itís great to be back. You know what? I think I really like it here. It feels like home.
Impact member: Itís a good home to come to. (Pause) By the way, whatís up with your clothes?
Jeff: I have no ideaÖ