All these words seem meaningless now. An hour ago they seemed to fit the puzzle just right, but now that I'm actually talking to you, they just don't seem to match what I'm really feeling at this moment. I've been set free, and I still praise you for that! But I'm lost in something I understand. And that seems to be my problem at the moment. My overthinking has done me in, my studying has taken care of me in this life but I feel it has brought me no closer to you. I've hidden behind my words and my catch sayings, the barrier they held worked for a month or two but they've begun to pull back in an all out retreat. Now I'm standing in the midst of something I've never wanted but always dreamed about. In my day dreaming I sought this. Confused is not the right word for the moment. Stunned, maybe, but not so much confused.
I'm free. I need to remember that. I don't see how I could forget. I don't see how my mind travels off like it does; I must get a tracker for it. You give me so much and yet, I stand still and ask for your hand. You carry me through so much and yet, I complain of sore feet. Their are questions that haunt my days and nights, but the answers are right in front of me. I look at the sky and the answers are dripping from the stars above me. The trees in my front lawn are crying out for you and I pretend it's coming from the tv.
Your name it tattooed across the inner workings of my heart. My soul echos your touch across my body. You are in me. I can't deny that, but sometimes I wish you weren't. I sin and I think to msyelf "how could I?" I fall face first and I cry to myself "how could I?" But in these times you are understanding. In these moments when I seem to lose all hope and direction in my life, you pick me up once again. And it's through these actions that I know you are still here watching over me.
So, what is the point of all of this? What is the point of me writing all these things out? What is the purpose of my words? The answer is simple. The stars in the night time sky spell it out for me every night. It's all to love you. It's all to serve you. The love you poured first was more than I had ever hoped for. The love I try and give back seems useless to me but it has a reason, as does my life.
You are my rose. You are my fire in dark. You are my shield during battle. You are the purpose for the air filling my lungs. You are the answer for moments like this. Moments when I feel you are not the answer.