"I've gone and done it again.
This must be my worst time so far.
Mikayla, Kelsey, Bryan, Shawn...I thought they all saw it.
I thought they knew I couldn't get through it on my own.
I just wish they had been able to spot it before it got this bad.
I mean, I know I'm good at hiding my feelings, but I guess I thought they always knew.
I guess I was wrong about that.
I suppose I wasn't strong enough...Or maybe I was too strong. I really don't know.
I hope they know how much I love them.
I hope they know this isn't their fault; this is nobody's fault but my own.
I just...I hope you all know that--"
Mikayla lowered her head, unable to read anymore. "I just...I can't do it." Tears began to stream down her face.
Bryan put a hand on her shoulder, taking the letter from her hand. "It's okay, I've got it..." He continued reading:
"I just...I hope you all know that I'd never want to hurt any of you.
I couldn't take it anymore. I tried so hard, but there was no way it could last.
If I didn't go ahead and go through with it, it would've happened some other way at some point, anyways.
I hate that I had to do this to you all.
I hate asking you to do me this sort of favor, but Shawn...Can you just send Mom and Dad this letter? I don't know how they're going to handle this, and I don't want them to go off blaming you for it when this isn't your fault, and I hope all of you know that I will ALWAYS be with you. I guess I'll be the first to find out if Heaven's real, huh?
By the time Bryan finished reading, everybody had started crying. Everbody except for Shawn, who was the first to speak. "How could she do this? I mean, she couldn't have...Sh-She's not brave enough. She wouldn't be able to go through with it...W-wo-would she?" Now, he ran into Tammie's room, and he couldn't believe what he saw.
Tammie rarely had more than two posters of her favorite bands or actors. All she had was one large poster of the cast of RENT, her favorite musical, and the rest of her walls were covered with her own photography: Her friends and family, street corners, buildings, anything and everything. Photography was her passion, and now, as Shawn came into her room, all of the pictures had been taken down and placed in a neat stack on her bed. He slowly walked to her bed and picked up the pictures, flipping through them, trying to figure out where she might be.
After he looked through all of them, unable to find anything, he stood up, searching the rest of the room, looking for what was unseen in her photographs. Then, he figured it out. There was only one place that Tammie could be...if she were still alive. He ran back to the other three kids, a huge grin pasted on his face.
Kelsey, with Mikayla and Bryan trying to comfort her, looked up and asked through her tears, "Shawn...What's your problem? How are you happy at a time like this?" She actually began to look angry. "This is your sister! Why aren't you upset? Are you glad she's gone?!?"
Shawn laughed, shaking his head. "No. I'm glad she's not gone. I know where she is."
If you died today, are you absolutely certain that you would go to heaven? You can be! TRUST JESUS NOW
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