The Devil's Cooking
by DeWayne Bricker
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The following dialogue between Lucifer and his demons takes place in a typical Americanized church.
Lucifer: Whatís he praying about this time?
Spirit of Lust: Heís asking God to help him stop looking at pornography.
Lucifer: So, whatís his focus of lust?
Spirit of Lust: Heís big into lesbianism and group sex. He looks at it every chance he gets at work and at home.
Lucifer: Has he ever been caught?
Spirit of Lust: Oh, no way. I make sure of that? Heís hooked so deep it would take an act of you know who to get him free from this tangled web. Oh, ha, no pun intended.
Lucifer: Good. Youíre doing a fine job Lust. I think weíll add a little extra self condemnation to the recipe; get him really down on himself and make him question his salvation.
Spirit of Self Condemnation: You called me master?
Lucifer: Yes, condemnation, I did. I want you to really torment this manís mind. Make him feel worthless and unable to continue with his ministry.
Spirit of Self Condemnation: Iíll do my best master, but donít you think we need to bring worthlessness on board. Heís far better equipped at this than I am.
Lucifer: I have him working overtime on the church secretary and the head deacon, but I guess this is more important. Okay, get him in here too. This recipe is really costing me a lot of extra time. I canít be everywhere at one time you know like you know who?
Spirit of Worthlessness: No, who master?
Spirit of Lust: Him, you idiot.
Spirit of Worthlessness: Oh, yes, Him. Forgive me master.
Lucifer: Forgiveness is not one of my virtues. Slap him for me Lust.
Lust: My pleasure master.
Lucifer: Shut up, heís praying some more. Letís listen.
Man: Oh, God, please help me not to do this again. I am so ashamed, but I canít seem to stop. I wan to stop, but every time I think I am over it, I find myself right back in the middle of it. My wife knows something is going on. I find myself lying to her all the time to keep this hidden. My ministry is suffering because of it too. I donít feel your presence or power in my sermons and prayers anymore. When I counsel women for marital problems I find myself lusting after them and well you know what Iíve been thinking and feeling.
Lust: Ainít he stupid. He just needs to get rid of the internet and the temptation would be gone.
Lucifer: You idiot. We donít want him to know that.
Man: I just had a thought. Maybe if I get rid of the internet I wonít be tempted so easily. Yea, thatís a great idea.
Lucifer: Great, now youíve given him a way out. You stupid idiot! Get him out of my sight.
Spirit of Worthlessness: Do not worry master; I can fill him with so much regret and worthlessness over all of this that heíll never believe that he could ever be forgiven.
Iíll make him think that he canít continue to do his job. Heíll quit and never preach again.
Lucifer: No, thatís not the way to do it. We want him in the pulpit. The best thing for us is to have a preacher doing his job without any power. He will be ineffective and not be able to show those miserable Christians the right way to do things. He wonít believe in his own words and will think that God wonít help him because of his sin. Heíll be too embarrassed to confess his sin to anyone and will continue on this path until he dies.
All the other spirits: Thatís smart thinking master. Itís no wonder that you are the master of deception. All hail King Lucifer.
Lucifer: Thank you. Thank you.
Man: I canít give up the internet; I need it for my ministry. Iíll just do my best to avoid those places. I can do it. I feel better. Thank you God for forgiving me; Iíll do better, I promise. Amen.
Lucifer: Another fine round of cooking Iíd say; you demons keep up the good work. Iím headed for the Bishops house; heís starting to ask for forgiveness too. Whatís this world coming too?
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