His green eyes looked out at her inquiringly. He never really looked at her anymore, more like through her; but as always her heart would melt within her everytime she saw his cute impish face. And when he cried, her stomach would twist within her as she tried to find out what was causing him distress.
When he was an infant, she used to hold him for hours. He used to like to cuddle. Even as a toddler he would be almost joyous in his response when she walked into his room after work. He would gurgle and laugh and clap his hands together in glee.
Sometimes she would carry him around though downtown in a carrier strapped to her chest as she explored all the nooks and crannies of their new town.
Those are the moments she tries to remember now, not the darkness and fear of teh days in front of her. The pain would sometimes squeeze her chest like a vise grip, crushing and taking the breath from her as she remembered the moment on the day when the doctor told her what was wrong with her son.
He simply handed her the dictionary that was in his hand and said "your son has autism. You are a young woman with your whole life in front of you, you can have more children. There are places for children like that. My advice to you is to forget you have a son."
With trembling fingers she reached out and took the dictionary from the doctor's hands. She read the description detailed therein. "A childhood form of schizophrenia often characterized by,..."
Her eyes sought the doctor's eyes as she tried to make sense of what he was saying,.."never learn to talk, incurable, institution,..."
Wordlessly, she handed the took back to the doctor, turned around and left the room She was almost to the office door when reality dawned on her,..and as it dawned a new resolve was birthed within her. "This is my son, he will be okay, he will be whole,.....