I woke up a few minutes ago and something felt slightly different, as if the world had tilted just a little. After stumbling to the bathroom to wash the sleep out of my eyes, with a start I remembered why this day would be different. I am being launched.
Somethingís wrong. Should sadness exist when I expected such victorious feelings after being done with twelve years of school? I donít know.
It must be fear of the unknown. Leaving the past that is warm and secure to forge forward into a world that is strange and new would frighten anyone. Does it diminish me to admit that I am scared?
My bedroom doesnít feel permanent anymore; itís not a refuge. Itís a stepping-stone now. As I look around me at the pastel dťcor, the childish mirrored vanity, and rather frilly covers, itís obvious that graduation will be more far reaching todayÖ.than just from school.
ďLeaving those things behind, I press forwardÖĒ Paul in the Bible said. I think I understand what he felt. He wasnít running from the past, he was embracing it to move forward. He had been a murderer with the best of intentions, "killing for God". The guilt he might have felt! But he moved forward to bring life to those he had previously delivered death to.
I certainly donít want to be like Judas Iscariot! After betraying Jesus, he hung himself with his guilt.
So, right now I have to find a way to move past these mixed up emotions or it's going to spoil today. It would be so easy to stay stuck in the past, clinging to the familiar. Dad, I don't want to let go...I miss Mom so much. But she's not here; it's just too hard to talk to you Dad.
Let's see. I could take the good memories from my childhood and bring them forward into the future. That's not so easy because then I have to remember Mom and that still hurts. Mom, I'm not ready to let go because that might mean leaving you behind.
Everyone always says Iím too analytical. Itís way to early in the day to be thinking this deeply.
At least Iím smiling now. It pays to have a sense of humor and be able to laugh at myself. Since weíre made in the image of God, he must need a terrific sense of humor to put up with me.
Chances are with my pain in the neck analytical mind and this offbeat sense of humor; theyíll balance each other out in the days ahead anyway. So, what am I worried about? My same faith in God, the positive outlook, and determination that brought me this far will get me through.
I think I know the thing to do, just how to look at things! When Mom knew she was dying, she used to say that she was graduating into a newer and better life. She actually smiled at the thought of dying. That was nerve.
Thatís the same attitude Iím going to adopt. Her faith brought her through a really scary door into the unknown. Itíll bring me successfully through the one Iím opening today, graduating from school into independence. Thanks Mom. I wish you were here...
But God? Thanks for keeping an eye on all of us and...somehow I'll get through today...with You. I never took you very seriously in the past, but I have a feeling that's going to change.....
PLEASE ENCOURAGE AUTHOR,
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This is one of those that are "holy ground" articles and if you are going to critique it, you better take off your shoes and tread lightly. As for me? I'll leave my shoes on, cuz' this is from the heart stuff and I don't walk there the way a writer usually would.