So, everything in your husband’s life is more important than you.
Even the cat comes first.
When he comes through the door, who gets the most attention?
She purrs and rubs against him all cute. Underneath all that fur, you’d swear she’s wearing a negligee. Green with jealousy feeling totally foolish, you’re not sure if you want to shoot the cat or him. You even feel tempted to get down on all four’s and meow.
How do you get your husband to make you his first priority?
You’ve tried everything; none of the old techniques work.
Make-up doesn’t work. Getting your hair fixed doesn’t work. Meeting him in saran wrap at the door is out of the question; the last time you tried that, you greeted the wrong person.
So, what do you do when the cat comes first?
Study him. What makes him tick?
According to one authority, there are some things that hold true straight across the board about men. Dr. Laura Schlessinger in “The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands ” asserts “I’ve never gotten a complaint from a male listener in twenty-five years on the radio over my assertion that men are very simple creatures.”
So, say it’s true. Men are nothing but simple. Not simple-minded, just uncomplicated.
What is there about that darn cat anyway?
What mysteries lurk behind her unblinking green eyes as she gazes intently at him? As she sashays toward her food dish, stops and looks adoringly at him, he jumps to meet her unspoken request.
By now, you’re definitely not sure if you want to strangle him or the cat. Jealousy has turned you into a green-eyed monster. There’s nothing mysterious about what’s behind your eyes!
But do you remember the anger that smoldered in his eyes the last time he noticed your jealousy? Did you read any “trapped” feelings in his expression as he tried to meet your expectations? You could demand your rightful place in his life, but wouldn’t it be much better to invite the same loving responses from him as he spontaneously shows toward the cat?
John Gottman, P.H.D., after studying two thousand couples for over two decades and “can predict with ninety-four percent accuracy who will stay married and who won’t”, wrote in his book “Why Marriages Succeed or Fail.” three key words that agreed with the spirit of Dr. Schlessinger’s book: “Confront him gently.”
So, you contemplate to yourself the descriptive words that come to mind so far: gentle, mysterious, sashay, and ask.
In your annoyed stated of mind, you wonder. Is inviting his loving responses toward me something I do or is it something I am? What is the difference between the cat and me? Do I have to become a femme fetale in order to get his attention, be something I am not?
Could God help me? Does He even care?
As I write this article, I remember an incident in my marriage when I’d felt unloved, unappreciated. That day I stood by the sink up to my elbows in soapsuds and half-prayed, half-fumed having my own pity-party. Mysteriously at that same moment, my husband came up behind me to wrap his arms around me and told me he loved me. “Coincidence!” I said to myself, feeling guilty that God caught me being petty, let alone would be so quick on the draw to help me.
Then I thought, “he never sings to me anymore…” My husband went into the living room, picked up his guitar, and sang to me. Shocked, surprised and embarrassed at my own lack of faith, I realized how involved and committed to my marriage the Lord was. He’d stepped in and spoken to my husband; I never had to say a word!
Up to that point, I’d never understood how God expected my husband to understand what was on my mind if I didn’t tell him. When God told we women to “win him (our husbands) over…without a word by the imperishable qualities of a gentle and quiet spirit, part of me rebelled. I think I see now how the very behaviors that my cat knows innately to do are the very actions that I feel least like doing, but are key to getting my needs as a woman met, and for bringing out the best in my husband toward me.
The missing link and key to overcoming my fear, doubt and pushing was God. Marriage is really a three-way relationship with God! If I include God in the mix first, then somehow it releases Him to be involved more intimately! It’s worth a try. It may take longer, but the anticipated results are better than the tug-of-war relationship I have with my husband now!