Let’s face it. No one in his right mind wants nothing for Christmas besides two front teeth. Whoever made up that silly song must have never tried serious chewing.
I mean, what can you do with nothing but two front teeth? Get real. You could bite into an apple, maybe. But without bottom teeth, even that would be very difficult. Just for fun, let’s give that Pollyanna song writer the benefit of the doubt and pretend it’s possible to bite into an apple with nothing but two front teeth. Then what? Big whoop! You’d have a bite of apple in your mouth, but wouldn’t be able to chew it up. Swallowing would be downright dangerous!
Let’s move on to another popular food item: hotdogs. No American diet is complete without hotdogs! Eating a hotdog with nothing but two front teeth would not be easy, but may be possible with the following creative technique:
(1) Set the hotdog on the table.
(2) Lean forward.
(3) Plunge your two precious teeth into the hotdog and make a sawing motion with your head.
Such an approach might result in the successful severing of the hotdog. But with nothing but two front teeth, the hotdog would also be a choking hazard, so I wouldn’t advise it.
My advice? Don’t ask Santa for nothing but two front teeth for Christmas; ask him for a mouthful. Only then will your stomach be satisfied and your life spared from lack of chewing. Merry Christmas, and bon appetite!
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I'm so ROFLOL. This was so hilarious, I had a phone call right as I read the line about the 'sawing motion with your head' and had to let it keep ringing cause I was laughing so hard. Thanks for the giggle!
What a neat, lighthearted take on the concept of only wanting two front teeth! There are just way too many goodies out there that require chewing. What about peanut brittle, for Pete's sake? See? Your funny story has gotten me thinking! Merry Christmas, Shanti! May yours be one of abundance with no tooth limits!
