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I Want a Mouthful
by Shanti Singh
12/14/06
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Letís face it. No one in his right mind wants nothing for Christmas besides two front teeth. Whoever made up that silly song must have never tried serious chewing.

I mean, what can you do with nothing but two front teeth? Get real. You could bite into an apple, maybe. But without bottom teeth, even that would be very difficult. Just for fun, letís give that Pollyanna song writer the benefit of the doubt and pretend itís possible to bite into an apple with nothing but two front teeth. Then what? Big whoop! Youíd have a bite of apple in your mouth, but wouldnít be able to chew it up. Swallowing would be downright dangerous!

Letís move on to another popular food item: hotdogs. No American diet is complete without hotdogs! Eating a hotdog with nothing but two front teeth would not be easy, but may be possible with the following creative technique:

(1) Set the hotdog on the table.
(2) Lean forward.
(3) Plunge your two precious teeth into the hotdog and make a sawing motion with your head.

Such an approach might result in the successful severing of the hotdog. But with nothing but two front teeth, the hotdog would also be a choking hazard, so I wouldnít advise it.

My advice? Donít ask Santa for nothing but two front teeth for Christmas; ask him for a mouthful. Only then will your stomach be satisfied and your life spared from lack of chewing. Merry Christmas, and bon appetite!





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Member Comments
Member Date
Tabiatha Tallent 21 Dec 2006
I'm so ROFLOL. This was so hilarious, I had a phone call right as I read the line about the 'sawing motion with your head' and had to let it keep ringing cause I was laughing so hard. Thanks for the giggle!
Marty Wellington  18 Dec 2006
Very cute take on the topic. I would have never thought of it from this angle. You're making me hungry. See you and Merry Christmas.
Catrina Bradley  15 Dec 2006
Cute take on the topic, Shanit! Made me giggle. :)
Sara Harricharan  14 Dec 2006
Loved this! Hilarious read and very creative on how to eat a hotdog, liked the title too.
dub W 14 Dec 2006
What fun read. Thanks for making my day.
Marilee Alvey 14 Dec 2006
What a neat, lighthearted take on the concept of only wanting two front teeth! There are just way too many goodies out there that require chewing. What about peanut brittle, for Pete's sake? See? Your funny story has gotten me thinking! Merry Christmas, Shanti! May yours be one of abundance with no tooth limits!




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