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Today, for the first time in ten days, I saw my wayward son, my twenty year old who decided to leave home. He came to my job. I bought him lunch but only had a few minutes to talk. In that short time, I discovered a few dismaying things. He doesn't have a job, not a steady one anyway. Today, he could have been working instead of riding aimlessly around with his cousin in the car that I feel sure he's going to lose in the next few weeks. He worked one day, earned sixty dollars, and guess what he did? Well, he went to the mall and dropped forty-five dollars on clothes he doesn't need. Instead of washing his dirty clothes, he just goes out and buys new ones!!!! He asked for money. I said no.
I related this limited information to my mother, who has been very concerned over this situation. She said, "You know, I hate to think that our own family members might be hungry while I am eating every day."
You know what? I hate to think of it too. But, my mom is sixty nine years old and still working! She is earning her food. She is paying her way. She isn't looking for a handout. She, who makes less than any of us, is the only one who can lay claim to an actual savings account! All on a measly $150.00 a week!
My son and his cousin are young, strong, and more than able bodied. They could be working--they just don't want to.
This is what I told my mother, "They have chosen to go hungry. If they want to be fed with any kind of regularity, they should get jobs!"
The Bible says that if a man will not work, will not labor, he will not eat, nor will he have. It's just that simple!
I was born with a very soft heart. But I am not feeling a whole lot of sympathy for the lack in my son's life. He is making his choices in his 'grown up' world, and I won't interfere with this. We all know, especially those of us who are older, that experience will surely teach my son, and those like him, exactly what he needs to know. And it won't be easy. All we can do is pray for those who just don't see, won't see, the truth.
The emotional toll that is taken on those who have to stand helplessly by and watch a loved one head for a crash is horrible. Yet, sometimes it is the only way. I've been dismayed over the whole thing with my son, I've prayed nonstop since he left. He, on the other hand, hasn't given much thought to his situation. He doesn't seem concerned at all. I know he thinks that if it gets too bad, I will bail him out again. But this time, I can't. He is still young enough that he will be able to recover from whatever mess he makes. Now, he must learn. He chose to walk out of his home and make his own way, and I, as hard as it is, must let him.
I love my son. I want only good things for him. But he has to want them too. As a mother, it's so hard to let go, and let life take its course. I fear for him. I made mistakes, I know, in my mothering. I cannot and will not allow myself to make more at this point. My son knows enough to know what is the right thing to do. I can't make him do it. In my heart, I know that I am no longer in any sort of control--my words to him fall on deaf ears.
So, here we are. I am learning to let go, even when it's painful, and my son is learning--I really don't know what. I know that God is present. I am praying that He sends the right people in my son's path, people Kevin will listen to.
Please keep praying for my son and my family, if you can. I don't know where it will all lead, but I know that God knows, and that's good enough for me.
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God bless you Elizabeth. I know how hard it is to let go of them when you know they are on the wrong path - been there, done that. But, God IS in control. Never give up on prayers for your wayward son. God is working out His plan. I will continue to keep your family in my prayers. Stay strong, Mama! In Christ's Love, Julia