Wrestling with myself all night long. My mind rejects desperately needed sleep.
Tossing and turning, the spirit beacons my flesh.
Attempting to ignore these hearking groans within my being,
I become unsuccessful for the spirit is too strong and I have no choice but to give in, in obedience.
And at that moment I know exactly what it feels like to not be of my own.
Without recognizing I have crawled up out of my bed.
My knees have become heavy lead anchors, plunging to the carpet floor,
my heart becomes smulted within his presence,
my hands levitate as high as they can towards the sky and my praise becomes all that I am.
Although my tongue is a complete mystery to myself itís blissful beyond description.
Almost like a foretaste of heaven.
Confused yet confounded in his word I take my position for my next anointing.
Oh how the tears flow I continue to praise him and he continues to pour out his spirit upon me.
I feel as if Iím being lead into another level of spiritual union with my Lord.
ďOh God, If you can use anything Lord, you can Use meĒ.
I am a ready vessel, a tool for his majesty, his authority rules within me.
ďFather my flesh may suffer but my spirit which is in you will stay steadfast.
Take it all away and in the process make me blind, make me deaf, make me incoherent to this world.
Conformed into this world I shall not be but transformed unto you I will become.
Bring out you through me, for those to see that they might glorify you through me.
Father because I am weak you are so strong."
That becomes my new mission in life, everything I pray for is within his spirit,
Iíve come this far that what I want no longer are the things I use to want but align up with his wants
My once passion to please others have abated away within this flesh but being lead by the spirit now,
I desire for everything I do to please him. And with that it becomes clear that I must continue to be driven by Christ Jesus and through his Grace I have no fear of intimidation nor of these worldly challenges. This he confirms at 3:00 a.m. as the Spirit Beacons.