The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone.-Harriet Beecher Stowe
We are taught to live our lives for the moment, to live like we will never die. To plan for our future, assuming we have many years ahead. But we still can't help but ponder the "If Only" ideology. If only I had said this, don that or if only I'd hadn't said this or done that. We trap ourselves in a past that can't be erased or changed. We hang on moments, mistake and misery that arenít necessary. We're told what we do with our mistakes, what we've learned from the past that truly makes the difference. But, oh how hard it is learning to let go.
My life leads from one if only to the next. I've hung on so tightly I am drowning in my struggle and regrets. I question, if I only knew then what I know now. But would my reaction truly have been any different, would the outcome have changed?
Years later I still struggle with my past, even now I am struggling to deal with the consequences of actions from long ago. I am finally learning to let go, understanding that God doesn't hold onto our mistakes, why should we? He doesn't care about what we once were but what we are becoming. He seeks and loves us regardless of our faults and our past. Sometimes I wish those I love were that open and forgiving. I've learned the past hurts; no matter how hard you try it won't disappear. I've had more reality moments that I ever want to admit, but maybe that's why I am here today. In God's time I right where I am supposed to be, at this moment necessary it's the struggles that brought me here. It's through those struggles I am learning to ask "What If" instead of hurting with "If Only."