Just recovered from autumn. If I had any remnant of self-sufficiency in me, God has stripped it off me.
Pretty strange isn't it. Your life seemed like summertime in its full bloom and then suddenly this wind of dryness blows away its dainty pride. Suddenly the leaves of your comfort seem to shrivel and drop off the branches.
Everything was dry. Church was dry. Home group was dry. Work was dry. If I were asked to summarize my life at that moment in time in one singular word, it would be... Dry.
For a moment, it seemed God has forgotten me. All my friends around blossoming around me and I feel like this bare patch on the ground... Forgotten... Ever felt like that?
Pathetic... I felt pathetic... I was this lame excuse for a servant of God... this pathetic picture of a disciple of Christ... God, why have you forgotten me? What did I do wrong? Have I offended you? What went wrong? I'm back... please let Your face shine upon me once again... Once again, Lord... once again...
That night, I had a dream... a dream like Footprints in the Sand... except that I was walking next to this field of grass... tall, thick grass growing on fertile soil... I could sense Him walking next to me. I knew He was there.
'Lord, why did you let this field to be overgrown with weeds? Why allow such fertile soil to go to waste? You could have planted a crop and it would grow...'
'Son, if I had not let this soil by itself, all those weeds would not have shown itself. If I had planted the crops without first allowing the weed to grow that I may remove it, the weeds will eventually strangle the crops. That is why I left the field so that the weeds would reveal itself.'
At that moment, my eyes were opened. I realised that during this time of winter, all my shortcomings were exposed. My deepest fears were uprooted. He had allowed this. If He had not allowed this, spring would have been a morbid season. My fruits would have been strangled by the weeds.
His ways are higher than ours... His thoughts higher... All things work together for good for those who love God and are called according to His purpose...
Autumn and winter are not my enemies. They are my allies. Without them, spring would be one morbid day.