The first minutes
they said I
sounded like
someone who
spoke in tongues
(or what they thought it would sound like,
These friends
Being unchurched
And having never
Been in a Pentecostal church.)
They said they could not understand me,
there was so much anguish
in my voice,
they said my words
were unintelligible.
How foolish of them.
I wasn’t speaking to them,
I was speaking to God.
The first day they said I fell a lot.
It was because
I did
Not
Want
To walk
Forward
Into the future
Without her.
So, yes,
I fell
A lot
on my knees
to the ground.
I did this at the hospital,
In her room,
On the street
In the driveway,
At the cemetery
At my bedside.
So I could not walk
Or talk
Or eat
Or sleep.
But I could weep
And scream
And speak
A language
Only God
Understood
And I could
Write her eulogy
As only someone
Who loved her with
A mighty
Mother’s love
would do
And I
Could
Could
Could
Do nothing else
For a very long time.
Read more articles by Kim Sandstrom or search for articles on the same topic or others.
You have conveyed the reality of grief in all its initial rawness; Those of us who have been there will understand fully. And writing is such a good medium to deal with our thoughts and feelings in a safe way.
